SHE WILL GO CRAZY OVER YOUR NEW HOBBIT FEET

The new Channel L’Shire foot cream promises more than just moist, sweet-smelling kickers — Channel executives claim you will go softly padding and virtually undetected in the woods after only two applications.

‘We wanted something that pushed the foot ointment industry a step further, beyond fragrance, if you will excuse the expression,’ punned Channel PR rep Pippin Took from the round doorway of his Shire split-level, pipe in one hand. When asked about potential side effects, Mr. Took only chuckled softly and reassured this reporter that ‘they would be quite lovely, never you fear’.

So if you would like to sneak up on that special someone this Valentine’s Day, look for L’Shire in a shire near you.