Local resident Marvin Reed and wife Sally Day found themselves trapped in a homeowner’s nightmare after they put a downpayment on this dilapidated firetrap in a trashy part of West Peoria. ‘We really have no […]
Month: September 2021
Max Max: Furious Roads to a waste of a Buy-1-Get-1-Free Coupon
The latest installment of the Max Max franchise, coming as it does on the heels of Sylvester Stallone’s Terminator: System Reboot and just before the much-anticipated dinosaur movie (I doubt I even need to mention […]
EVERY CLOUD HAS A SILVER LINING BUT THAT IS A DEAD HOOKER
The expression generally refers to a bad or difficult situation in which there may however be a glimmer of hope, or a good side. Not the case with Uncle Toby’s situation this evening. Image by […]
WHAT IF YOU ACCIDENTALLY DRANK BLEACH, ASKING FOR A FRIEND
It has come to the attention of The Gorko that Spike French, our long-time friend and reader, has proooooo-obably guzzled about two liters of bleach, for some unknown reason, but insists that he is calling […]
NSFW, BOSS STERNLY WARNS, SPOTTING PIC OF GIRLFRIEND LEANING OVER POTTERY WHEEL
‘NOT Safe For Work, Doug,’ your boss told you earlier this morning, spotting what his pervert’s brain instantly processed to be sloppy pornography. There was shocked silence in the row of cubicles as his voice […]
5 FAST DINNERS FOR WELL TBH PRETTY MUCH EVERY FUCKING NIGHT THIS WEEK
We at The Gorko know how your fast lifestyle and slim waistline demand excellence in and out of the kitchen. We strive to bring you the latest recipes from the most exotic restaurateurs and Michelin […]
NEW FITNESS PROGRAM PUSHUPS WITH DAISY® BLAMED FOR RASH OF PEORIA-AREA HEART ATTACKS
The latest fashion fad to sweep the Midwest, the popular crossfit-esque Pushups With Daisy® workout program, may indeed make a clean sweep of Peoria, body and soul, according to local minister Rasbald Jenkins. ‘Pushups With […]
Upcoming Movie: ‘Assault on Cell Block Number Nine or Was It Nineteen’
Writer-director and lead actor Donny Dumanavich might have spent a millisecond more pondering the confusing and unnecessary title of his latest action blockbuster, Assault on Cell Block Number Nine or Was It Nineteen, because the […]