Rambsey Prize in Modernist Poetry winner and local asshole Don Markenbaldi was busted by Gorko reporters earlier today shoplifting peppermint flavored mouthwash from the Third Avenue 7-Eleven.
‘We caught him in the act,’ confirmed beat reporter Pummel Dawn. ‘The son of a beach was wearing one of those nasty-smelling black trench coats that he favors, several sizes too large, and just slipped it into the big pocket.’
Don’s ex-wife Lucille confirms that the formerly successful literary critic and university professor is now a crack fiend, living on the street and stealing to support his habit when he can’t make enough begging at the First and Johnson Street intersection.
For what he said in 1998 about the commentary to Gulliver S. Gulliver’s ‘Roach Riley’ in front of an audience of peers, he deserves every second of this new ‘rock’ bottom.
Photo by Clay LeConey on Unsplash