There we were by Captain B


There we were
The two younger would-bes
And the verified, established Uncle H
Old bard
All somehow (Providence?) neighbors
In low-rent condominiums
(Palm trees a must)
Along with the wives/non-wives
The women would proclaim
At any time it suited
All collected outside the 7-11
Uncle H second guessed beer
Sitting behind the wheel of his
Finally, after years of toil
Used BMW smoking a hand-rolled
I’m getting wine, he grumbled and sped off
Inside, my brother-in-arms and i
Went about loading the cart with beer
As i turned to examine which bottle of hard stuff
We’d sneak somehow past the non-wives
He wandered off but soon returned
With pants and shirts and electrical cords
I looked around suspiciously
The hell’d you get that? I questioned
Why the hell’d you get that? i wondered
Then remembering our mission
Focus – chips, peanuts, beef jerky
More smokes for me
Let’s go

Don’t know how the party went
Or what we’d figured out
But when consciousness returned
My wife and i were on the lam
I pretended i knew exactly where we’d been
And what we’d been doing
Soon her talk filled in the gaps
Don’t worry if we get arrested, she assured
We have all the evidence we need

We’d broken into the paper factory and had in our possession
The charred remains, some teeth that hadn’t melted completely
And a metal belt buckle
The paper plant owner was in cahoots with some local toughs
And had a good business on the side disposing of fallen-out-of-grace associates
Now i didn’t worry so much about the police and a bit of jail time before
Our evidence would be processed but about the faction seeing video surveillance reels
And hacking, chopping, and dicing us nicely before feeding and stoking the malicious
Dark amaranthine fire…it had been the smell of burning hair and the stink of charred flesh
As she and i sat sharing a bottle of wine on the river bank just opposite the factory
The other night that started this whole thing
Then when we brought news back to the party i.e. our neighbors
They got in on it

Later over drinks
We’d laugh and shake our heads about how i was
Hog-tied (yes, cuffed and somehow linked to my zip-tied ankles)
By the police and thrown head first into the cruiser
The laughter subsided a bit when i recounted barely getting the better
Of the thug given keys to my cell and sent to shank me

My wife had run one way and i the other
Hoping the cops would pursue me
And not her
It took her a while even with the evidence to spring me
Our neighbors and good friends did well to gain favor with other factions
Which wanted to see the elimination of the thugs we went after
It took a little time
No more shanking attempts luckily

Our illustrious bard and mentor uncle brought further attention (and protection?)
To the case when it became national news
And now some publishers are interested in some volumes that my associate
And i had each previously penned

Our friends and neighbors
Have opened an agency
The cases are coming in
They assure

Nobody laughed at my naming suggestions
We were all feeling pretty good by then
Something about Samson and Delilah
Bonnie and Clyde
Buttercup and Westley
Uncle H’s cutting of the cheese and bullshit
Righted the ship
And the laughter resumed

Uncle H is taking us all out to the track today
Food and drink on his dime
Says he hasn’t had this much fun in years



Captain B. Seafarer. Lover of shore leave. Collector of heads. Disseminator of tales. Twitter: @NPeligeiro