Captain B

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‘When’s Recess?’ by Captain B

When’s recess?

Girls probably don’t know
Unless told
By a brother or a friend
Hey, now, calm down
No doubt i don’t know
And could be told many things
Education, yes please, and supersize it
Anyway
Of the boys in grade school
Maybe in kindergarten it wasn’t too frowned upon
Perhaps in first grade it was still only testing the limits
But by second grade, if you walked into the bathroom
And there at the urinal was the kid who sat in the front row
Closest to the teacher (always aid in circling it around the big ear
Back through the hole. Double knot. Forget it.)
With pants and Scooby Doo underoos down around the ankles
Bare ass grinnin
You’d usually know who
To throw at first
In dodgeball

***


WHO IS CAPTAIN B?

Captain B. Seafarer. Lover of shore leave. Collector of heads. Disseminator of tales. Twitter: @NPeligeiro

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‘Brazen’ by Captain B

Brazen

Brazen
Itching

Good thing he only has his fists
His guns and knives are at home
(Well, anyone checked his damn boot?)
There at the tavern
He isn’t more than a three-minute walk
That itching, that gnawing
It hasn’t been right for a long, long time
He hasn’t won a fight anyone’s witnessed
In quite some time either

Just weeks ago
His ex-wife told me over the airwaves
Of how my once solid, brickhouse of a friend since youth
Made that way from hundreds of thousands of bricks and blocks
(Had he reached the million mark?)
Huffed and tossed around for most of his working life
Had quit eating. He’d quit working too.
We used to go out for prime rib or thick porter houses
With ale before a night of hitting the hard stuff
But he neither works nor eats any longer
He couldn’t even pick me up
She said
And that was six months ago, last we were together

The last time he brewed coffee or had breakfast in the morning she couldn’t say
Just grasp for the remains of the previous night’s bottle
If empty or out of stock, the first order of the day

Recently
He got violent with the police
When it took them ten minutes of prodding and poking
And shouting in his ear
To roust him from the coma
He’d fallen into at the cinema

He’d still had traces of the shiner
He’d received whispering all sorts of threats
And promises into the random bar patron’s ear
One or the other had saddled up next to
One or the other

You get violent with the police
You know who gets the final say
And how much that hurts
Something to think about
If the cold and discomfort of the cell and slab you’re
Less than sleeping on
Don’t turn your thoughts to those also pressing concerns

He hasn’t been right for a long time
Didn’t think he was going to make it through the winter
He himself, ex-wife, and his poor mother who has already lost two sons
Two of four
All speculated last fall
Four days ago was the spring equinox
But nobody go crossing yourself just yet
Praising miracles
Okay, warding off evil
Is another thing

It’s only noon
He’s been at the Schulz Haus since before ten
Where he waited in the still cold weather for Junior to open up
Junior’s a bit old school, a bit wild midwest
He doesn’t cut people off
But just wait for my friend to come across a face
He doesn’t recognize
Or one he despises
And someone’s getting hurt
Flip that coin

***

WHO IS CAPTAIN B?

Captain B. Seafarer. Lover of shore leave. Collector of heads. Disseminator of tales. Twitter: @NPeligeiro

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‘I’ll pencil you in’ by Captain B

I’LL PENCIL YOU IN

I’ll pencil you in
I said to a friend
I, just back from a mission
He didn’t get it
The expression
I wasn’t surprised
And had only heard it recently
From the erudite client
Benefactor, collector of oddities
Of this most recent mission
I explained as best i could
To this friend
That it refers to a long extinct
And rudimentary technology
And but one usage of the implement
That existed on the swamp planet
Inhabited by those scary hybrid ancestors
That mated with the scaly overlords
Who ruled so long from the shadows
Now the whole wasteland is shadow
And all the hideous degrees
Of those blasphemous things
Slither about freely
And feed on each other
And satiate thirst
With the thick toxicity
Emanating from the bogs
I was there to retrieve a book
Full of a language and expressions
Such as these
Long forgotten by us
(And not a book like you’d imagine it
This one is of matter and can be held
In both hands- i let it go
I’d explain more in person)
So, yes, long a fading memory
Only heard in tales
Kin and cousin, brothers and sisters
Who, as of course you know, long ago
Had to flee and scatter
He said, yeah whatever
That he’d keep his transport job
But that after i showered and scrubbed
Any disease or pestilence from my being
Picked up from nightmare land
He’d meet me on Karas
First round
He was buying

***

WHO IS CAPTAIN B?

Captain B. Seafarer. Lover of shore leave. Collector of heads. Disseminator of tales. Twitter: @NPeligeiro

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the wolf by Captain B

the wolf

i cross this thing
pavement
i don’t like it
i am the wolf

with caution but speed
i dart across
to enter woods again

i’ve lost the pack
but confident and able
i move on

i sense movement
and smell meat
i move on

i’m downwind
i’m stealth
it’s mine

but i wait
stroll
have a walk
in the moonlight
there is still
beyond

young pawn for my preying
i’m a demon in making
predator fells fawn

***


WHO IS CAPTAIN B?

Captain B. Seafarer. Lover of shore leave. Collector of heads. Disseminator of tales. Twitter: @NPeligeiro

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Too cool for school by Captain B

TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL

I’d spied them long before they saw me
I cleared the curb with a bunnyhop
With both more flair and altitude than needed
Almost a tabletop
I then whipped a quick three-sixty
Now with left foot on front peg
Kicked the back wheel up
Seat secured under my elbow
And glid, glode, glided
What was referred to
By those in the know
At that time
A hang-five
I rode it some meters
Before letting the tail down
To swing around
I stepped through to the back peg
Now the front wheel in the air
And scuffed a backyard
Starting wide before tightening
Riding the golden spiral in
To a tight and quick spin
I did not cleanly get back to my pedals
However
But touched down
If i’d been down in St. Paul
At the Midwest Freestyle Series
Judges would’ve noticed
I knew the unofficial judges noticed
Not the mistake so much
As the show
I pedaled in the other direction
Before turning back around
I pumped hard and picked up speed
I jumped up, right foot on seat, left on handlebars
And stood up in my (famous) surfer
As i rolled by
Pretending to notice them sitting on the wall
For the first time, said
Oh, hey
Amy R. and Tammy L. laughed
Tammy passed Amy the smoke they were sharing
They knew i knew that they’d been watching all along
And they’d been watching because i’d been performing
Only too obvious that i’d seen them first
I dropped to the pedals and rode over
Hey
Hey
Got another of those?
Got one more. Want it? It’s a Newport
Menthol, hell no, but i didn’t say it
Just waved a denying hand and shook my head
Staying at Kell’s tonight. He’s got some Winstons
It was Friday
We’d been about an hour out of school
Tammy was going to sleep at Amy’s
At that age i could only manage a few minutes of conversation
Before losing my cool
Of course we’re not talking emotional temper
And we’ll take the assertion lightly (thus undoing it)
I announced i was off to Kell’s
They asked where my backpack and change of clothes were
I scoffed
They laughed and made fun of me and boys in general for such things
As i was riding away, Amy called out to ask if i’d be at TVN
Teen Variety Night at the middle school
The following night
Probably i confirmed
And with a nod
I was off
Riding a wheelie into the sunset

***

WHO IS CAPTAIN B?

Captain B. Seafarer. Lover of shore leave. Collector of heads. Disseminator of tales. Twitter: @NPeligeiro

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Witches brew and Warlocks too by Captain B

witches brew and warlocks too

The wicked witch wilted on down the road
The good witch stood atop a giant toad
Nobody knew from which abode
Came the casks of the magic ale
The motherload

The wizards and enchantresses
Know how to get down
Tales of the soirees travel
From town to town

If one should happen to lose their right mind
There is always a security spell
To guard against the unsavory waving of wands
Fuck, Valdemort, what the hell?

Sleep it off old Gandalf, Merlin or Atu
Make room for breakfast of a hearty stew
Next time you’ll sip deep
No need to slam
You missed the whole set
When the minstrels began to jam

***

WHO IS CAPTAIN B?

Captain B. Seafarer. Lover of shore leave. Collector of heads. Disseminator of tales. Twitter: @NPeligeiro

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Swapping recipes by Captain B

SWAPPING RECIPES

When i go out to drink coffee and smoke
Just after sun up on a weekday
While she takes first turn in the bathroom
Doña Beti is usually around
Raking leaves, watering plants, organizing the tool shed
Waiting for Magda, her daughter, to show up with the bigger plan
Or Memo or Angel and put them to work painting something
Installing or removing something- hauling or lifting something
Whatever needs to be done


She likes to talk about beasts and which are good to eat
She’s talked about iguanas more than once
I’ve seen plenty around here
The little ones are green
The big ones are black
At least the small ones i’ve seen have been green
And the big suckers black
I’m sure i haven’t seen them all

We just now chatted about the chachalacas
The southern cousin of the northern pheasants
I’m more familiar with
Saben ricos en un caldo picoso
I don’t usually eat breakfast
But had remembered seeing something about
Caldo de Mole season having begun
So i craved both dishes or any
Steaming and spicy bowl of a meat stew of some sort
Temptation threatening my usual fast

Then i mentioned that i’d seen a possum wandering around the site
The other night
Only i wasn’t sure of the word though i’d looked it up
Zarigüeya
But one can’t always trust the dictionary or academic Spanish
As the local names can be quite different from place to place
Especially if retained from the indigenous languages
Of any given region

Zarigüeya
Fell on flat ears

I explained
It lives in trees, like a rat but not, medio ciego
Oh you mean an ardilla
No, not a squirrel
Like a rat, half blind, lives in trees
Ahh! It’s black and has a long tail!
The one in question had been
Eso, i answered affirmatively
Ah yes, it has a long tail and a white stripe down its back
Um, no, wait- but i’d already affirmed so i let it go
Un zorrillo se llama
No it wasn’t a skunk, but like i said, i’d let it go

Glad i had or i wouldn’t have heard how when she was little
She had a terrible rash on both legs so her dad brought her to a ranch
Where they prepared her a hot and spicy caldo prepared with skunk meat
Careful to first remove and not puncture the anal glands located in the rectum
I pointed out (and ruined my own appetite in doing so)
To remain in the conversation and add to it?
Although my words weren’t quite so sophisticated as those
Yes, she agreed.
It was tasty and cleared the rash up within a day

I took note
Then then mentioned my grandfather’s
Snapping turtle stew

She wanted to know more

I told her
Omer, would spy a snapping turtle from time to time
When out fishing
And from time to time he’d catch one
He’d then bring it to his brother’s bar
Where they’d make a stew and put it on special

I still owe her information
And details
Concerning spice
Time
temperature…

***

WHO IS CAPTAIN B?

Captain B. Seafarer. Lover of shore leave. Collector of heads. Disseminator of tales. Twitter: @NPeligeiro

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There we were by Captain B

THERE WE WERE

There we were
The two younger would-bes
Maybes
And the verified, established Uncle H
Old bard
All somehow (Providence?) neighbors
In low-rent condominiums
(Palm trees a must)
Along with the wives/non-wives
WE’RE NOT MARRIED!!!
The women would proclaim
At any time it suited
All collected outside the 7-11
Uncle H second guessed beer
Sitting behind the wheel of his
Finally, after years of toil
Used BMW smoking a hand-rolled
I’m getting wine, he grumbled and sped off
Inside, my brother-in-arms and i
Went about loading the cart with beer
As i turned to examine which bottle of hard stuff
We’d sneak somehow past the non-wives
He wandered off but soon returned
With pants and shirts and electrical cords
I looked around suspiciously
The hell’d you get that? I questioned
Why the hell’d you get that? i wondered
Then remembering our mission
Focus – chips, peanuts, beef jerky
Visine
More smokes for me
Let’s go

Don’t know how the party went
Or what we’d figured out
But when consciousness returned
My wife and i were on the lam
I pretended i knew exactly where we’d been
And what we’d been doing
Soon her talk filled in the gaps
Don’t worry if we get arrested, she assured
We have all the evidence we need

We’d broken into the paper factory and had in our possession
The charred remains, some teeth that hadn’t melted completely
And a metal belt buckle
The paper plant owner was in cahoots with some local toughs
And had a good business on the side disposing of fallen-out-of-grace associates
Now i didn’t worry so much about the police and a bit of jail time before
Our evidence would be processed but about the faction seeing video surveillance reels
And hacking, chopping, and dicing us nicely before feeding and stoking the malicious
Dark amaranthine fire…it had been the smell of burning hair and the stink of charred flesh
As she and i sat sharing a bottle of wine on the river bank just opposite the factory
The other night that started this whole thing
Then when we brought news back to the party i.e. our neighbors
They got in on it

Later over drinks
We’d laugh and shake our heads about how i was
Hog-tied (yes, cuffed and somehow linked to my zip-tied ankles)
By the police and thrown head first into the cruiser
The laughter subsided a bit when i recounted barely getting the better
Of the thug given keys to my cell and sent to shank me

My wife had run one way and i the other
Hoping the cops would pursue me
And not her
It took her a while even with the evidence to spring me
Our neighbors and good friends did well to gain favor with other factions
Which wanted to see the elimination of the thugs we went after
It took a little time
No more shanking attempts luckily

Our illustrious bard and mentor uncle brought further attention (and protection?)
To the case when it became national news
And now some publishers are interested in some volumes that my associate
And i had each previously penned

Our friends and neighbors
Have opened an agency
The cases are coming in
They assure

Nobody laughed at my naming suggestions
We were all feeling pretty good by then
Something about Samson and Delilah
Bonnie and Clyde
Buttercup and Westley
Uncle H’s cutting of the cheese and bullshit
Righted the ship
And the laughter resumed

Uncle H is taking us all out to the track today
Food and drink on his dime
Says he hasn’t had this much fun in years

***

WHO IS CAPTAIN B?

Captain B. Seafarer. Lover of shore leave. Collector of heads. Disseminator of tales. Twitter: @NPeligeiro

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