Jen Smith of Harrison County and Smith Horse Farm in southern Indiana was overheard enlightening Mexican locals about life in the United States of America earlier today. ‘Every little girl gets a pony,’ she told […]
Category: Headlines
OH, I JUST DIED IN YOUR ARMS TONIGHT
Who would have thought a boy like me could come to this.
FEEL THAT WARM BREEZE, HAROLD
Nuclear holocaust survivors Maud and Harold Green have yet to realize their unique predicament as the last living people in Peoria, a source told The Gorko Wednesday. ‘They are just going about their normal lives […]
WITH GRILLOUT SEASON UPON US, THESE EASY PEASY LOAVES AND FISHES HAVE MAJOR CROWD APPEAL
When you are rapping by the lake with your homies and it gets later than you realize and there is no Taco Bell because you are in Mexico, here is a tried-and-true feed-the-masses crowdpleaser: multiply […]
SWIPED LEFT FOR THE LAST TIME
Swearing that he is going to join the gym, start biking to work (a 46-mile round trip), jogging weekends, and eating only salad on weeknights, coworker Presh Donahue sighed deeply and let his hands fall […]
THE LIZARD PEOPLE HAVE LANDED: A PHOTO ESSAY
Fortunately, this formidable enemy is being corralled by local and national military forces.
INSTANT POT® MAKING AMATEURS LOOK GOOD, BITCHES CHEF WEARING PARABOLIC SKIS
‘Amateurs, people who do not know the first thing about the principles of making a sauce,’ bitched the master chef.
LOCAL RESTAURANT TO FEATURE ‘BAKE YOUR OWN LASAGNA™’
‘Ordinary people have no idea how labor-intensive and infuriating it is to cook for other people,’ Marco told The Gorko.
SHOCKING NEW DOCUMENTARY ‘SOME LIKE IT HOT’ REVEALS TONY CURTIS’ SECRET LIFE AS FEMALE SAXOPHONIST
In her second groundbreaking documentary of the new decade, Navaeh Pierce-Waters Waterson-Washington tackles another infamous Hollywood legend, this one involving Academy Award-winning actor, comedian and playboy Tony Curtis. Not that we care, but Tony Curtis […]
UNDERTABLE WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHY: DO’S AND DON’TS
Recently people have been asking me about my photo exposition ‘Under The Wedding’ (now showing at Mack’s Bar & Grill in Peoria), in which I explore what goes on UNDER the wedding — literally beneath the tables at weddings.
BLIND NEPALESE MAN CLIMBS EVEREST, BEFRIENDS BIGFOOT, HOTWIRES DOWNED MILITARY HELICOPTER, FLIES TO KATHMANDU, LANDS AMIDST APPLAUSE WITH FURRY COPILOT, AND MELTS BACK INTO THE CROWD
We put the body of the article in the heading again. Psych! Earlier this week a blind Nepalese man climbed Mount Everest, befriended Bigfoot (who clearly lives up there), hotwired a downed Boeing CH47 ‘Chinook’ […]
Lemondrop reads poetry: ‘This Fair Oak’ by Maria Steinburg-Piccadilly
Today we will be reading a poem from one of my favorite authors, Maria Steinburg-Piccadilly, an eloquent poetess and Earth Child who spent the gloaming of her life, as she referred to it, right here […]