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Category: Headlines
KINDLE FIRE USED TO READ PART OF A BOOK
Three months after acquiring his new Kindle Fire 10″, the Amazon 1080p full-HD 64 GB octa-core processor color tablet, local middle-school teacher David Bowman said, ‘Alexa, stop,’ with a heavy sigh, and caused the built-in […]
BUT IT DOESN’T TASTE LIKE KOOL-AID, MA
Local mother Juvenilda Roscoe has reportedly been trying to feed her children an exotic new flavor of Kool-Aid, which has led to suspicion, accusations, and threats in the Roscoe household. ‘It doesn’t taste like Kool-Aid,’ […]
GAME OF THRONES: A PHOTO ESSAY
Fifedale Morrifer tending the lawns astride his steel charger at Stony Sept, spring 298 C.E.
WET T-SHIRT GHOST HUNTERS FOUND STRANGLED IN THEIR OWN BEADS
They knew it would not be easy. They suspected that it might be dangerous. But what they probably did not expect was to lose their lives hunting the wet t-shirt ghosts of old Cancún. When […]
STOP FRIENDING DEAD PEOPLE ON FACEBOOK TODAY: YOUR COMPLETE GUIDE
It is always embarrassing when you reconnect on Facebook after your six-month meditation camp in Tibet or Laos and with best of intentions begin to add people you knew from high school and university, and […]
SRIRACHA OR SIR RACHA?
Finally settling the old argument, the proper spelling of the hot chili sauce known to many midwesterners as SIR RACHA was put beyond doubt this Thursday by local university undergrad Melissa F., to the chagrin […]
SHE WILL GO CRAZY OVER YOUR NEW HOBBIT FEET
The new Channel L’Shire foot cream promises more than just moist, sweet-smelling kickers — Channel executives claim you will go softly padding and virtually undetected in the woods after only two applications. ‘We wanted something […]
ALL ABOARD STEPHEN KING’S ‘THE LANGOLIERS’
You awake on board transcontinental flight 703, L.A. to Boston with the distinct sense that something is very wrong, and you couldn’t be more correct.
FOR MANY, NO WORD FOR IT BUT ‘SLURVY’
The latest Starbucks sweet cream cordial, the Slastix®, has been given a completely different moniker by the cream of Seattle youth. ‘We call it the Slurvy,’ said Cedrice Williams, a 16-year-old skater. ‘There is no […]
SCIENTISTS DISCOVER CURE FOR HEARTBREAK
A South Korean research team has discovered the ultimate cure for heartache, announced their team leader Park Ahn-Jong Wednesday. ‘We were in the Mini Super with Joon-Woo, whose wife had just left him and taken […]
EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN DEEPLY FULFILLING IMAGINATIVE LIVES EXCEPT STEVE
First there were the rumors, then firsthand reports from coworkers and family, but now finally after two years our suspicions have been confirmed.