‘F’ing Freddie’ by Doug Jacquier

F’ing Freddie

Freddie Stare was a fabulous finesser
of foot-tapping fantasia,
with his fascinating rhythms
filling the gravity-free firmament
after he found Fionnuala Fagan,
the famed fox-trotter from Fenagh.

With fame, he decided he could fare well
without fair Fionnuala
and was making a fine fettle of flying solo
on his seemingly-feathered feet and
playing footsies with footloose floozies.

Not to be fobbed off,
Fionnuala furiously fanned
her desire for fatal revenge and
fossicked through files on pharmacology,
sought to distill a phial of foul poison to fix Freddie’s fate,
knowing full well
he would return to the fold in the future.

She made a tincture of fenugreek,
fennel, feverfew, fo-ti root and
food-poisoning salmonella and
disguised its fetid taste
with fruit juice and fizzy Fanta.

Inevitably, Freddie became fatigued
and grew too floppy for fandangos,
fornications and frolics,
so he presented himself to Fionnuala,
with fraudulent fork-tongued promises of faithfulness,
in order to charm her
into ministering to his frail and failing frame,
for old friendship’s sake.

Fionnuala was not to be fooled
by Freddie’s flattering fakery
but feigned concern and
bade him drink of her felicitous tincture,
Freddie’s Fantasia, and
soon after Freddie fell flat on his face and
Fionnuala fed him to the fiery furnace.

about the artist

Doug Jacquier‘s writing meanders amongst the peaks and the swamps of various forms of short story, flash fiction, poetry, and non-fiction, from the lunatic to the lucid. For readers prepared to come along for the ride, I like to make them think, laugh, cry or groan (and, sometimes, all of the above). My poems and stories have been published in Australia, the US, the UK and Canada. I blog at Six Crooked Highways (wordpress.com).

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