‘Synonyms for Pe#*$ in a Variety of Settings’ by Yash Seyedbagheri

Synonyms for Penis in a Variety of Settings

it’s a wee-wee, a peepee
among pastel-colored kindergartens
a one-eyed wonder weasel, rumpleforeskin, the tortoise out of its shell
in the first-grade classroom
a dick, that word your friend spoke so naughty
when you were in seventh-grade sex-ed
it’s mister slow smooth jiggle daddy
the first girlfriend gets to see but not touch
a green monster on a high school whiteboard, maybe with a smiley face
with cool fucking disdain while it waits to get to its phallic homeland
it’s the VW out of its garage
the day you get a license to fuck
or a cock after the tenth screw
proclaiming power from college locker rooms that smell like stale feet and armpits
it’s a salami, Italian sausage, grade-A American beef, medium rare, with personal A1 sauce
what’s for dinner ladies, as twenty turns to thirty
a trouser trout
at the reservoir, the swimming pool
a long dong
when the postmistress girlfriend-turned-wife only rings once
a rod and a staff
on Sunday mornings when the priest blabs about being a good patriarch and you’re getting divorced
it’s a rocket’s hard perimeters
when you blend physics and phallics
a hard clapper
that makes girls ring for Quasimodo atop belfries during your campanology period
the sickle that tickles
to start the Revolution you once dreamed of
but gets renamed Mr. Johnson
because you hemorrhage imagination
a flaccid, flabby boy who smiles with shame
that needs some direction
it’s a Stonehenge
that needs rebuilding
and a couple pills to raise the past
but when it rises it proclaims glory
before it’s buried
stiff as a coffin

ABOUT THE ARTIST: Yash Seyedbagheri

Yash Seyedbagheri is a graduate of Colorado State University’s MFA fiction program. His stories, “Soon,” “How To Be A Good Episcopalian,” “Tales From A Communion Line,” and “Community Time,” have been nominated for Pushcarts. Yash’s work has been published in SmokeLong Quarterly, The Journal of Compressed Creative Arts, Write City Magazine, and Ariel Chart, among others.

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