Article by Tark Mackintosh
In the February 9th, 1930 edition of the Healdsburg Tribune, Enterprise and Scimitar out of Healdsburg, California, there appeared the story of an astonishing confrontation over the theme of dogs between ‘a melancholy gentleman, shabbily dressed and with long hair’ and a truly rude editor, purportedly of the Healdsburg Tribune. There was at the time widespread speculation as to the identity of the interloping poet, who was unfortunately run off from the offices of the Tribune ‘on account of his vagabundardly appearance’, and the content of the never-printed ‘On the Dog’, as the editors of the Tribune approved the scalding anecdote of said gentleman’s humiliation in the Sunday edition just below the fold. Could recent documents unearthed from the private papers of Ada Potter Barclay, official biographer of the early modernist poet Professor Stout, provide the clues necessary to positively identify the ‘On the Dog’ poet, and even the contents of those lost lines?
THE POTTER PAPERS
Ada Potter Barclay (1892-1973), housekeeper and official biographer of the reclusive modernist Professor Stout, published three monographs on the life and works of that beloved poet, including the Professor’s official biography The King in Drab, which however holds but scant mention of his economic and artistic struggles before the full professorship at Outland Messiah College in 1935. The years of humiliation and degradation as an associate professor in the California state system, and seasons riding the blind, are neatly glossed over. This gap in literary history may be about to be bridged, however, with the recent discovery of a cache of ‘secret’ papers belong to Miss Barclay, among which were discovered more than 75 pounds of previously unknown or lost original writing by Professor Stout.
‘Professor Stout was of course a pet project of my nan,’ read the statement to the press by Lana Felicity Shields, the granddaughter of Ada Potter who discovered the chest of lyric treasure in the family attic this past October. She explains that the contents of the chest included Barclay family photographs, previously unpublished poems by Ada herself, and ‘a ton of other rubbish,’ that being what scholars have dubbed ‘The Potter Papers’, documents presumed written by Professor Stout, or the great treasure of the trove, discarded drafts of The King in Drab, which have been since turned over to official archivists of The Stout Society.
‘The Potter Papers consist of a lot of material not of real interest to the literary scholar,’ explained Dr. Don Markenbaldi, Chief Stout Society Archivist, from behind a desk where he apparently always goes commando, ‘drycleaning and Chinese takeout receipts, crayon scribblings from the poet’s childhood, one presumes, carbon copies of form replies to fan mail. There are also heaps of unpublished letters, however, which we are in the process of examining, and more than three thousand previously unknown poems. Aside from confirming the authenticity of these poems, however, our main task going forward will be to organize and collate the lost anecdotes of The King in Drab from the mad scribblings of Ada Potter Barclay.’
When asked whether a verse composition entitled ‘On the Dog’ had been discovered amongst the papers, Dr. Markenbaldi only smirked and said, ‘That is for me to know, and for you to find out, lame-o.’
So while Dr. Don was not looking (our assistant Franz lit his car on fire), we snatched a sheaf of the lost papers, and discovered…
FRACAS IN HEALDSBURG
Was shown into the editor’s room The editor-in-chief of the Healdsburg Tribune in 1930 was none other than Dr. Algernine Poots, President of The Goldstrikers Poetry Club, who were notoriously dubbed ‘the blackshirts of California modernists’, and later personal nemesis of Professor Stout. As disclosed in The Potter Papers (TPP 34.8), Poots in fact captained the Tribune from 1928-1932, behind an austere oaken desk with red leather bumpers and shiny brass tacks, several oaken portals and three personal secretaries, on the third floor of the Carnegie Building on Main Street in downtown Healdsburg, across from City Hall.
demanded…fiercely…faltered The budding poet, as yet unknown to the world and in fact not yet a full professor, has stood in line and begged for days for the opportunity to pitch his best poem to Dr. Poots, Editor-in-Chief. His reception would not be a warm one: in this moment, at least, that of the nemeses’ first battle, unexpecting and unprepared as young Stout was, real fighting words failed him. His humble attire and anonymity notwithstanding, could Dr. Poots have perhaps sniffed a nascent threat to his control of The Goldstrikers and the So-Cal literary movement?
Four years later Associate Professor Stout would be publicly railroaded from The Goldstrikers Annual Gala of 1934, though by that time he had cut his hair, improved his wardrobe, and was set up in a tidy cottage overlooking Dan Blocker.
you took advantage of the dog Dr. Poots intentionally twists the meaning of young Stout’s words, in order to deride him in front of the three secretaries, who were not hard on the eye (TPP 36.3).
regarding the dog Young Stout attempts to rephrase his hastily-worded poem, but things have already gone too far in this battle of wits.
why were you regarding the dog Dr. Poots continued his punning, this time ‘mistaking’ the preposition regarding for the participle of the same root. This once happened to me with a maternal uncle, a man who also had secretaries, who would intentionally conflate my prepositional seeing with its cousin participle at family picnics. He is dead now — body under the bridge.
fidelity A truly appropriate theme for a poem on a dog. Perhaps young Stout had better written ‘On the Fidelity of the Dog’. Ada Potter scribbles in The Potter Papers, ‘I had discouraged him to use the preposition intended, telling Pooh-bear [sic] that ‘About the Dog’ would make a much more direct appeal to a newspaper editor; but he only said they would think he meant ‘Around the Dog’ and make fun of him in front of the secretaries. Well, three days later, the unthinkable happened’ (TPP 31.7).
write a poem on it…shaved…tattoo Dr. Poots reveals that he has, through his chosen literal interpretation of young Stout’s title, taken it to mean that Stout has written the words of the poem on an actual shaven dog, or else tattooed them there, or written them on its fur. At this point young Stout desists, realizing the E.I.C. is only attempting to humiliate him, and flees the scene.
Writes Ada Potter, ‘He returned to our rooms in shambles, a walking ghost of a man, and did not speak or take soup for three days and three nights. Yet what was intended to break my little Pooh-bear [wtf??] only made him stronger. He would wait out the blackshirts, and ascend triumphant to the right hand of Longfellow’ (TPP 42.8)
‘ON THE DOG’
The complete historic poem, like the lost Titanic, was also discovered in the sheaf of papers borrowed from Dr. Don’s desk, though like that ancient bark, sorely sundered into several pieces, which faithful Ada Potter had apparently restored with tape and kisses. There follows a complete transcript of the long-lost poem:
On the Dog
by Jersey Stout
The dog is faithful
This much is known
Even when shrapnel
From barrels is thrown.
Never mind wastrels
Doggies even eat trash
Not like a dove trills —
It howls when it’s thrashed.
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