The Gorko Gazette

please publish this poem so i can eat

im not gonna eat until i finish this poem. i already had plenty to eat today, anyways. it was more than i usually have to eat by this time of the day, which is six o two pm on february first, twenty twenty-four pacific standard time. so i think i can survive without eating until i finish this poem. and by ‘finish’ i don’t mean ‘get to the end’. i mean ‘finish’ as in ‘written, revised, submitted, rejected, set aside, rerevised, resubmitted, rerejected, scrapped, found, rererevised, reresubmitted, rererejected, rescrapped, refound, rerererevised, reset aside, rererererevised, rerereresubmitted, rerererejected, rererereresubmitted, accepted, edited, rerererererevised, and published’. which, sure, it sounds like a lot to get through before ill be able to eat again. and ill admit that, in some cases, it does take a long time to get a poem published! But to be honest, im pretty hopeful about this one. ive got like a really good feeling about it somewhere in my guts. oh, did you hear that growl? i think my stomach agrees!

Ask the council!

Grab a trusty D20, pose your question to the council, and roll to find out what they recommend!

1. The council recommends caring for your yard with sustainable landscaping techniques.
2. The council recommends the house wine if you’d like to save your bread.
3. The council recommends laughter for the young and the young-at-heart.
4. The council recommends brushing your teeth.
5. The council recommends a spa day at the hot springs for all your mammalian pets.
6. The council recommends edge-guarding tech.
7. The council recommends building your case for that class action lawsuit.
8. The council recommends betting it all on black.
9. The council recommends lobotomy of the soul.
10. The council recommends the letter V.
11. The council recommends muscle-building exercises for Lonely Hearts.
12. The council recommends Lancaster, California for fresh families of five.
13. The council recommends hanging on for dear life.
14. The council recommends herbal magick for devising small but powerful charms.
15. The council recommends cry before you buy.
16. The council recommends you please roll again.
17. The council recommends appropriating the Frutiger Aero aesthetic over Vaporwave.
18. The council recommends one streaming service at a time.
19. The council recommends the lobster bisque.
20. The council recommends a healthy dose of Credence Clearwater Revival.

HUNGER STRIKE update: twelve twenty-seven pm pacific standard time, february fifth, twenty twenty-four

about four days have passed since i began my poetic hunger strike and its going great! the best part is that the poem actually got accepted much sooner than i anticipated! it pretty much skipped like three quarters of the doomercore publishing process that i described. to my utter joy, gorko’s own colin ‘raddy’ gee enthusiastically accepted this poem—along with a few others!—via electronic mail posthaste. i exclaimed ‘happy day!’ and shared the news with my loving wife, who foolishly held several concerns about my hunger strike. she exclaimed ‘happy day!’ and hopped along into our car like a giddy kitty and zoomed off for to pick up some taco bell…….and thats when i noticed something: the catch, the caveat, the fine fucking print. and heck, i shoulda seen it coming. the edits………..it was too good to be true! of course i wasn’t gonna get to just fly by the whole ‘revise, submit, reject, rerevise, reresubmit, etc.’ process and get to pass go on the edits. silly of me to assume. and no shade to raddy. we <3 our editors in this house. i guess im just a lil hangry is all. just needed to vent and thought ‘hey, i got two birds and one stone here.’ and you know what? it really did feel good to get that off my chest. im reinvigorated to see this hunger strike through to the end!

HUNGER STRIKE update: six fifty-eight am pacific standard time, february sixth, twenty twenty-four

after smoking a fat blunt this morning, i found an electronic mail from raddy in my electronic inbox. im logging my live reaction here for posterity:

ah, he’s found a publishing date for my poetry. my hunger may finally abate! alls left is the poem’s publication. and the date, it seems, is…oh. february twenty-nine, twenty twenty-four…that’s, uhh, over three weeks from now…well. umm………i guess i have something to look forward to then. you know, if i make it. thanks, raddy…!

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