GORKO’S GAMES FOR THE HOLIDAYS
Do you want to make this year’s holiday soiree with both Bob and Jeff from the office (and their sordid playmates, or maybe they will bring their stupid kids) the talk of the town? Well don’t rest on last year’s laurels (the firework display), or think your mediocre charcuterie skills are going to lift you above the other holiday-themed festooners this December. What you need to give your bash that extra edge just might be THE GORKO’S PARLOR GAMES FOR THE HOLIDAYS! Below are three exciting games that are guaranteed to get people talking about what is going on at your place in Peoria.
Gay Clue
Players examine evidence, interview suspects, and formulate theories in a quest to answer the question: Who left the stack of hardcore gay porno magazines on Tommy’s bed?
Materials:
• Gay Clue game board
• 175 character cards (examples: Tommy, a gay teenager; Faustus, his uncle; Adolf, the host; Mau Mau, the maid; Rupert, the plumber; Mrs. Jean Cabbagepatch, a likeable widow; Lorraine Truffles, the Broadway actress)
• Small magnifying glass
• Evidence (magazines, lubricants)
• Lack of evidence (condoms, muscle car posters)
Testimonial: ‘I haven’t had so much fun, or outed so many of my coworkers, since the class action lawsuit in Champagne! Gay Clue is the gay-me of the year!’ –Ruth Awkins, Peoria Heights
GAY CLUE
Gorko Games, Inc.
$83.99 (original)
$119.99 (deluxe edition, comes with blow-up Chippendale)
Battleship Potemkin
Materials:
• A boat, preferably on a pond or small lake
• 3 water noodles
• 1 deck Red Russian Cards
• 1 deck Bourgeois Oppressor Cards, well-shuffled
• A gun with live ammunition
Players: 800 Russians, 120 Ukrainians, 50 Romanians. CAN SUBSTITUTE 800 Mexicans, 120 Guatemalans, 50 Romanians
The Play: All ‘Russians’ board the ‘ship’ and arm wrestle to determine who will be Captain, Cook, and XO. The other players are ‘crew’. To begin play, the three officers beat the crew members with the water noodles until they become sullen and mutinous. One crewmen must choose a Red Russian Card and read the speech. In response the Captain must take the action described on the Bourgeois Oppressor Card. This is always SHOOT A MAN. The officers win if they manage to kill everyone else with the loaded pistol and water noodles. The crew wins when they disarm the officers and murder them, and convince either the Ukrainians or Romanians, who are waiting on opposite shores of the pond or lake, to join their side.
Emotional Rugby with Skittles (a Father MacPherson, M.Div. Game)
Materials: 1 bucket of skittles or jelly beans
Players: 3-10 (1 ‘Priest’ and 2-7 ‘Parishioners’)
The Play: Parishioner 1 chooses three candies from the bucket (no peeking!) with instructions not to eat them. The Parishioner must then confess 1 sin to the Priest based on the color of one of their candies. After the sin is confessed, the Priest may grant forgiveness to an ‘earnest Penitent’ (Parishioner may eat the ‘sin candy’) or require penance of a ‘hypocrite Parishioner’.
Green: Vanity
Purple: Lust or Sex Deeds
Yellow: Covetousness
Orange: Murder
Red: Spiritual Sloth
Penance ideas: fifty push-ups, laps around Father MacPherson’s garden, hard manual labor in Father MacPherson’s garden, crucifixion on the hill behind Father MacPherson’s goat shed
Image generated on Magic Studio
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