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porn on standby

You’re going to be really PISSED off when I leave the FUCK out of your silly ASS, Julie yelled at Don one night.

But he wasn’t pissed off when she finally did leave. She slammed the door and he looked at the cat. Later, in their home office, he began scrolling Reddit and stumbled onto a few NSFW pages.

He found one called r/pornonstandby. It said there were many members with some of them being online. It was encouraging any new people to CHAT so he clicked.

After a minute, Don wrote ‘hello!’

Jerkin’ Jack Flash: Hello! Welcome to r/pornonstandby. Is there anything we can do to help your needs?

Don: horny, gf left me 😵‍💫

JJF: good thing about fast porn. it heals. tastier than big mac and hotter than taquito

Don: alright. I want porn. on a napkin. how long’s the wait

JJF: within the hour. guaranteed

Don: how much

JJF: first video’s free

Don: but why should I go through you, could just find a video on another site

JJF: yeah but it wouldn’t be what you WANT. we can do that. try us

Don thought. He click-clacked the keys to death. Finally, he wrote:

Don: want someone eating spaghetti

JJF: 🍝 With or without meatballs?

Don: without

JJF: garlic bread?

Don: ok you are SHITTING me right now. I’m not serious about this

JJF: Yes you are. bread?

Don: No, just pasta

JJF: Nude? A costume?

Don: Maybe just a shirt. A blouse. A writing sweater. A cardigan

JJF: Ok. Most important. What color hair?

Don: you can’t have just like, girls, waiting there

JJF: Women. Yes, we do. Blonde, redhead, black? 🪮

Don: I want a green haired one

JJF: Can’t. Out of town. At a funeral. ⚱️Won’t be back until tomorrow

Don: you’re SHITTING me!

JJF: grandpop, bad heart

Don: What the fuck

JJF: Look, there’s porn we need to get out to other porn people. So. At crossroads. we came down to spaghetti, sweater and hair

Don: look man

JJF: No, look. Here’s the look. The look here is that your GF left you, slammed the door and said some shit. Now here’s your chance to get something in the moment. The moment here will be better than the moment you just had. And it’s gonna be free. So if you don’t want this…we’ll say so long. But if you NEED this. If you need that cardigan, that spaghetti. That girl calling you your name. What’s your name

Don: kyle

JJF: kyle. She can say your name. And it’ll be cool. Give us a shot

After a moment to think about it, Don click-clacked the keys to death.

Don: give her black hair, tied back, falling loose over her shoulder.

JJF: doable

Don: and maybe one more thing

JJF: hit me, kyle baby, you sad boy whore!

Don: can you make her say, ‘you’re such a fucking silly ass’

JJF: humiliation. kinky

Don: that would be ok

JJF: sit tight. i’ll go let her know

Don sat by the computer for a few minutes and then started to walk around. He looked at a few pictures of Julie – long black hair and tight smile. He looked at her sweaters. He stood with the cat for a while in the kitchen while he tried to make a drink. He looked over to see if they had any spaghetti supplies. He took the drink back to the home office and closed the door so the cat did not see anything. Finally, JJF came back with a share drive link.

Don was going to type something back but didn’t. He clicked and took a long pull of his drink. He felt his cheeks flush and his heart race as a girl with black hair wore a threadbare purple sweater. She twirled the spaghetti with her fork as she sat at a kitchen table with a lone candle. She looks at the camera and points at it with her fork, some spaghetti falling. She licks the tines seductively. ‘KYLE,’ she whispers, ‘you’re such a silly fucking ass. You know that?’

Don went to pull his pants down, but forgot he was holding his drink and spilled whiskey all over his dick. He looked for tissues to wipe up, but there were none around. The cat meowed and clawed at the door.

‘That’s ok,’ the spaghetti-girl said sultry-like. ‘Silly is good. It’s good to be that.’

She takes a bite, sauce getting stuck to her chin. She lowers her head and laughs. Her eyes flicker with an understanding and a sweetness.