The Gorko Gazette

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6.13.2025 7:00 AM

The Pants in Our Relationship by James Callan

The Pants in Our Relationship

My wife wears the pants in our relationship. I wear shorts, even in midwinter. I used to wear shants —cut-off, black denim jeans that frayed just below the knee— but after twenty years, that wayward fashion sense that began when I was sixteen finally ran its course. Maybe I grew up?

A while ago I got the notion I was ready to transfer to full-length pants. Acting on this impulse, I bought three pairs of chinos on Oxford Street while vacationing in London. The vivid, on-trend trousers hardly made it back to New Zealand, our home, before they started to stretch at the hips, molding to my wife’s frame. After that, they sagged on my shapeless man-waist. They slid down the slope of my ass that wasn’t full enough, my total lack of hips, my absence of bodily contours. When cinched by a belt, the waistband bunched, like an excess of skin being pinched and stretched outward, which reminded me of a dog being dragged by the scruff of his neck.

Sometimes, when I prance around in my shorts, I feel just like a dog —something small, a dachshund or chihuahua. Often, I feel like a bitch. That’s not to say that I take orders around the house. I don’t sit on command. I don’t heel when called. I don’t wear a collar, get down on all fours and beg (unless it’s part of a mutually agreed upon service, in which case, yes to all of the above). When I take off my collar, when I put on my shorts, wishing they were pant-length chinos, sometimes I wonder if I am serving myself by serving my wife. And while it’s true, I feel more free in my role as a dog than a man, still, I sure did love those colorful trousers.

I bought those chinos for me, but in the end, my wife suited them more. She took over, like she often does, wearing the pants in our relationship.

ABOUT THE ARTIST

James Callan is the author of the novels Anthophile (Alien Buddha Press, 2024) and A Transcendental Habit (Queer Space, 2023). His fiction has appeared in Apocalypse Confidential, BULL, X-R-A-Y, A Thin Slice of Anxiety, Mystery Tribune, and elsewhere. He lives on the Kāpiti Coast, Aotearoa New Zealand.

Image generated on openart.ai