The Gorko Gazette

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10.22.2025 9:00 AM

Gorko Serial Offender: Bruce Gee

THE CRIME

Bruce writes: For eight years I had a part time job on Sundays delivering packages for the USPS. It was rural, all over three counties in south central Wisconsin. I called the van my Deathmobile; it was a 1980’s creation built on an F-150 frame: heavy duty base and all aluminum up above. O to 60 in about 20 minutes, I’d tell my boss which irritated him. So yeah, this free verse came together while driving the beast.

My Christian friends who read it were puzzled: what’s it got to do with Palm Sunday, one of the holy days of the calendar? They looked at it from this angle and that, but none of them came to the conclusion duh, that that was the day the events occurred. Probably shouldn’t have titled it that.

The hardest thing for an short fat older man to deal with is finding a good safe place to take a piss. Hey, three times in 8 years, out in NeverNeverLand the far side of Brooklyn, I found it necessary to shit like a bear in the woods.

But finding a place to pee is of another ilk. Here’s the key: find a road that has a sharp veer to the left. If you can pull over there, at an angle, nobody can see you do the foul but necessary deed from either direction.

It is, quite simply, as simple as that. These are the sorts of things one begins to learn, driving around the desolate March landscapes of south western Wisconsin, on Palm Sunday.

Read ‘Palm Sunday’ and two more here.

Bruce’s other favorite Gorko: Lemon whathisname is my favorite. Unless those awful poems with commentary you post.

THE CRIMINAL

Bruce Gee Son of Bayard, middle named Bayard. Spent his life searching for the meaning of Bayard. Raised a quiver of young ‘un. No regrets.

BLOODY MURDER

What is Gorko Serial Offenders? We invited more than thirty writers and artists who over the years and centuries have had their work featured in The Gorko at least a few times (a few times is 3) to submit a micro exposé on their own favorite piece. What is it, where did it come from, why did it appear in The Gorko, who cares? Here is a big thank you to all our contributors. The next Gorko Serial Offenders will likely be in 2026, when you too could receive an encrypted email from Raddy that begins, Dear Humanoid, We are delighted to inform you. If you were overlooked for this callout please bring it to the attention of Scrapes Henderson, the Gorko scapegoat, by writing to thegorkogazette@gmail.com with the words CHAW ME SCRAPES in the subject line, and we will review your case.