A South Korean research team has discovered the ultimate cure for heartache, announced their team leader Park Ahn-Jong Wednesday.

‘We were in the Mini Super with Joon-Woo, whose wife had just left him and taken the children, and we discovered the cure on the shelf, right by the ramen soup,’ she explained. ‘We immediately bought all of the remaining specimens and began our investigations.’

Critics say that the miracle cure may not be so miraculous while taken under different circumstances or by individuals with different levels of heartbreak.

‘Ahn-Jang took Joon-Woo to her apartment, got him drunk, and then did her famous cement mixer,’ sneered Lee Min-Suh, Ahn-Jang’s oldest and most loathed rival. Speaking for the pharmaceutical brand Mihan, she said, ‘We believe the product needs further testing.’

Photo by Eiliv-Sonas Aceron on Unsplash