A battle is raging in West Peoria not fought with bullets or knives, but with shy glances, flirtatious looks, and folded notes. That’s right, it is this year’s battle over who gets to ask Casey to the West Peoria High School Prom.
WHY IS CASEY SO POPULAR?
He is tall, strong, his parents are from Sudan, and he is a letterman bi-athlete which sounds like he is into both dudes and chicks but just means he lettered in two sports.
No, correction, it means he can ski and shoot guns at the same time. AT THE SAME TIME.
ARE THERE NO OTHER GUYS IN WEST PEORIA?
WHO ARE THE FRONTRUNNERS TO ASK CASEY TO THE PROM?
It is only February, but the word on the street is that it’s Mandy, Sophie, Madison, or Jake (see image above).
WHAT IS THIS PROM ANYWAY?
The Prom is an annual celebration in which the beautiful, talented young people of Illinois are literally deified without regard to background, race, gender, or sexual preference but no that is something else. What is that?
WHERE CAN I GET MY OWN PROM TICKET?
You are not invited.
WELL THEN I DON’T CARE ABOUT NO STUPID PROM
Tell that to Mandy, Sophie, Madison, and Jake from the back of your fancy limo.