What are they touching in their front pockets this year, as compared to last? Take a look at the startling new report by Gorko Market Data Analytics, published earlier this week.
MORE THAN 63% OF PEOPLE ARE TOUCHING COINS
Coins, not groins. Get your mind out of the gutter! Despite warning from mothers and grandmothers that money is dirty, a staggering 63% of people with hands in their front pockets are fondling filthy lucre. This is compared to just 48% of people in 2021.
YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT UNCLE TOBY IS TOUCHING
Just one person of the 158 interviewed for the study admitted to touching this in his front pocket, and it was Uncle Toby.
MORE THAN 10% ARE TOUCHING WOOD
Speak of the devil and he shall appear among other adages serve to show the deep levels of superstition still widespread in American society, so it should come as no surprise that more than 10% of people are touching wood, hot crystals, or rabbit feet in their front pockets and they dissemble in public, the fornicators.
JUST 2% ARE TOUCHING FRUIT OR VEGETABLES
A surprisingly low number of people are touching fruits or vegetables in their front pockets this year, a staggering 2.05% according to the Gorko study. Compare this to 15.8% of people fondling raw steak or chicken.