It is a sad situation, and one I believe I have never in fact seen in all my days as manager of Happy Burger. You, my miserable little cashier trainee, simply lack the social skillset to interact with customers across a counter in everyday situations.

Not only that, my socially inept, very possibly dropped on his head as a baby employee in training, but you do not even possess the linguistic resources to ask basic questions about pickles or onions, or clarify doubt concerning single, double, bacon, or ‘with cheese’, or dominate personal public or occupational vocabulary under the most lax of Happy Burger time pressure scenarios.

Truly horrifying however is your inability to follow what is being said around you on general topics such as sports and entertainment, even as your interlocutors avoid idiomatic usage and strain themselves to articulate everything as clearly as possible and even provide extensive context to their anecdotes.

Worst of all perhaps is that you have failed to establish appropriate social contact with peers and customers. This is something I have observed with my own incredulous eyes, that you do not know basic greetings and fail to make appropriate use of leave-taking expressions like Bye, See you Charley, After awhile Tootie Fruitie, or Have a good night Randy Bob.

Basically you just grunt and mumble all the time, and this merely constrains communication and introduces doubt to our minds about your mental domain, which only exacerbates your interlocutors.

At Happy Burger we expect our employees to dominate such topics as job description, laws of work, pay, free time and holidays, length of notice, advertisements, written AND spoken information about personal data, joining and leaving procedures, accidents and insurance claims, AND appropriate register for communication with supervisors, peers, or subordinates, the last of whom of course you currently have none, but this should be your goal at Happy Burger.

All right I think we are done here. Be in bright and early tomorrow in uniform and perky.

Photo by Yogendra Singh on Unsplash