TODAY’S UP-TO-THE-MINUTE FORECAST: CARRY AN UMBRELLA
Shitstorm moving out of north will likely strike fan and have a splatter effect across the entire goddamn state, flying north, south, east, and west well into the afternoon. With any luck the main body of fecal matter will regroup and move southeast after passing through the fan sometime after midnight.
TOMORROW’S FORECAST: DIARRHEA SKIES
Tomorrow you should look for pissy skies with a steady diarrhea drip that will also likely hit the fan and go everywhere, getting on houses, highways, vehicles, parks, and people. If you have been planning a large outdoor event such as family reunion or wedding reception you might consider rescheduling for a completely different time and place, like next year in Hawaii.