A shocking new study by Gorko Institute of Public Opinion (GIPO) published Tuesday revealed a fact that you may have already suspected, but most likely dismissed as paranoia: every twenty seconds someone you know, possibly even a close family member or partner, is probably thinking that fairies don’t even exist.
‘The implications are absolutely earth-shattering,’ said GIPO spokesperson Aspokesper Son when we cornered them on their way home from the grocery store, apparently. ‘As everyone knows, every time someone says the words I DON’T BELIEVE IN [THE F WORD]S, a fairy drops down dead. Now the scary thing for fairies is that Milverson and Rogers in 2003 proved that it is not the words that matter but the intention, in other words if you express any kind of disbelief in fairies somewhere a fairy will be murdered, and as recently as 2018 Jobsonvau demonstrated in a series of controlled experiments that the words do not even need to be spoken.’
In other words, if you even think afairy thoughts, you or a completely innocent-looking loved one will probably be guilty of fairycide.
Think pure thoughts out there, folks. Save the fairies!
Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash