NEW DIGITAL SAT IS JUST PONG

This January the U.S. College Board announced that the SAT® Suite of Assessments will move to a digital, paper-free format as of Fall 2022. What do you need to know about the new computer-based test?

IT IS ACTUALLY JUST PONG

The Digital SAT Media Kit released by the College Board include screenshots revealing that the new digital test, while retaining the original 1600-point scoring scale, will basically just consist of multiple rounds of Atari’s tennis-style arcade game Pong.

‘Since the purpose of the SAT is to measure a high school student’s decision-making and readiness at a university-level game of Pong, the College Board has determined that the classic Pong game is the best measure available,’ reads the Media Kit introduction. The university-level Pong referenced in the literature has been confirmed by the College Board to be in fact Beer Pong, a drinking game in which players must toss ping-pong balls into plastic cups of beer arranged on a table, then drink the beer.

DON’T THROW ABOUT YOUR #2’S, THE PAPER TEST MIGHT NOT BE FIRESTARTER JUST YET

Yet others disagree with the assessment of the College Board.

‘The arcade game Pong really has little to do with the game Beer Pong played widely on American college campuses,’ explained educator Lisa Monstrati, president of the Peoria chapter of the Illinois Education Organization, from her whirlpool, actually missing the cup in a game of Beer Pong as The Gorko reported. ‘DAMN. The eye angle, the skills are completely different. And are you going to be feeding these kids beer during the exam? Because that is important too.’

YOU CAN ‘BEAT’ THE DIGITAL SAT IN AS FEW AS 30 SECONDS

The paper-based SAT was a 3-hour exam, but times are changing. In the new SAT Pong test students must obtain a higher score than the computer OR the student sitting immediately to their left, which can be done as quickly as 30 seconds.

Easy in, easy out. It all depends on you, Player One.