Where have you been, living under a rock or something? More than 25 monkeys have been banned from this year’s southern California beauty pageant for beauty enhancements that include multiple Botox injections.
First place in the California contest brings more than 10 million dollars and a contract for a monkey tour that is worth easily twice that much in endorsements and publicity.
Attributes considered attractive in the pageant include full lips, perky ears, hairy but visible nipples, and colorful rumps. Experts concluded that Botox was injected into the monkeys’ lips, which were then filled with collogen to make them luscious and plump.
‘We took their monkeys away from them, the degenerates,’ one judge told The Gorko, speaking of the dozens of monkey owners who would be subject to fines and future bans.
A representative of PETA CALIFORNIA!!!!!!!!!!! said that the organization was trying to get the monkey contest shut down.
‘This contest is an outrage, a sick comedy,’ said a thin-lipped Jeff Baxter, president of the group. ‘No animal should be injected, shorn, declawed, branded, eartagged, or mutilated in any way, least of all for the pleasure of humans or for show.’
There was talk of doing all of those things to the disqualified monkeys’ representatives, family, and friends, but as we go to press no real torch-and-pitchfork action has yet occured.