It is that time of the month again and once again you are faced with a crucial decision: pay the $1500 you owe on your shitty studio apartment, or buy a tacky, mid-range coffin for the same price and get in it.
WHAT’S THE CHEAPEST CASKET AVAILABLE IN PEORIA?
Forget copper or bronze lined caskets on your budget, pal, because if you only got $1500 you are going to be stuck with a steel-lined 18 or 20 gauge coffin, unless you want to just settle for a packing crate.
WHAT EXACTLY CAN I BUY FOR $1500
You can buy another month of shelter at your current residence in West Peoria surrounded by yappy dogs, drug dealers, and pimps, OR you can probably afford a low-to-mid-end, tacky coffin with extremely cheap veneer, to lie in.
WHERE CAN I TAKE MY TACKY, MID-RANGE COFFIN?
You can put it under one of the convenient Peoria overpasses or inside your van down by the river.
WHY NOT CARDBOARD?
Cardboard caskets are a wonderful and inexpensive option for cremation or a green funeral. Want to reduce your carbon footprint and not pay rent this month? You could probably buy four or five cardboard coffins to lie in, no worries.
Photo by Grant on flickr.com
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