REPORT: FEAR STALKS AMERICANS AS SALES END IN SEPTEMBER

The Gorko spoke to dozens of local shoppers this past weekend about the prospect of summer sales coming to a close this month. To our surprise, many shoppers expressed ‘acute, existential horror’ at the situation. Here are some of their words.

KELLY, 14

Yeah pizza man just the sales ending yeah so cheugy you know, IYKYK, el oh el.

DONALD, 47

I haven’t even found any good polos yet. My polo game is in a bad situation. This is not good, not good.

MARISSA, 32

No, twenty-nine. Put down that I am twenty-nine.

LUIS HERNANDEZ, 25

No hablo inglés, sabe, pero sí eh muy triste la SITUATION. How much one pie coss man?

Foto de Markus Spiske en Unsplash

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE…