It is no secret that Peoria has a problem with runaway guerneys. During the first quarter of 2022 the number of out-of-control hospital beds more than tripled in our sleepy Illinois town. What is causing these freak accidents, who is responsible, and what steps can be taken to avoid being struck by a freewheeling bed?
DON’T BLAME THE NURSES
However convenient it may be to blame the nurses, statistics confirm that in more than 99% of the runaway guerney cases proper procedure was followed by hospital staff, brakes locked, patients secured, and guerneys parked according to rules.
‘It’s like these runaway guerneys have a mind of their own,’ shrugged Dr. Suxion of St. Paul’s Hospital, location of more than 13 runaway guerney incidents in July alone. ‘We are doing everything we can to protect the patients and keep the guerneys out of the hallways and streets, but it is hard.’
WATCH YOUR STEP AT INTERSECTIONS
Every day in Peoria another person is mown down by a flying guerney, so to make sure the next victim isn’t you it is important to keep several things in mind: be alert for frantic calls or screams of patients aboard a runaway guerney, listen for the sound of the little rickety wheels that sound like a crazy skateboard, and always look around corners before stepping out.
SHOW EMPATHY FOR THE VICTIMS
The runaway guerneys are not carnivorous stalkers or manhunters, so do not panic out there. We are not being hunted by a form of intelligent life. Moreover the patients in the runaway guerneys are victims, too, and not responsible for any collisions or manglings that may occur while they are strapped to their beds. Put yourself in their slippers and stand together against the runaway guerney menace.