So you want to be a famous writer but that is pretty hard considering that you haven’t actually written a single word of your great Russian novel yet. Well why don’t you get off your fat ass, dust off the old cream-colored Remington, and just pound one out? Here are 3 people in your office who have already done that.
Tony from Finance has already minted a 240,000-word vampire novel that he is calling White Fangs. It is incredibly explicit and judging from Chapter 3 absolutely rubbish. Why don’t you pull yourself together and write your own vampire novel, pal.
HELEN THE HUGGER
Helen Rosenthrope, known affectionately around the office as Helen the Hugger because she will take literally anything including a trip to the dentist as an excuse to wrap her large arms around you, has already completed a 140,000-word manuscript about love, loss, and Destiny. It is called Destiny’s Desire and if this maudlin yet sassy cheap prose can’t convince you you can do better, nothing will.
YOUR BOSS JERRY
That’s right, your boss Jerry does not only make six figures and drive a fabulous looking car, he is also a wannabe wordsmith and has already churned out more than 180,000 words in what he claims will be a best-selling mystery novel, the first in the Dirk Dubbenshaft series. Not only can you probably write a better novel than Jerry, you pretty much have to.