The situation around the family Thanksgiving dinner has reportedly taken a grim turn since Uncle Toby’s much younger, sluttily dressed date began talking in extremely frank detail about her sugar daddy Moffs McQueen, a well-known drug dealer and pimp who lives and runs his business out of a downtown Peoria penthouse, which he calls his pad.
Why did you bring a date to our family dinner, hissed Mom immediately after grace, refusing to pass ‘Asia’ the potatoes. And as soon as Father finished the blessing ‘Asia’ began to talk, and talk, and talk.
‘This is Asia, ahem, my girlfriend,’ Toby had lied, forcing himself in the front door. ‘We met in ah we work together,’ he stammered.
Asia confirmed that she worked with Uncle Toby.
She said, ‘Yah Toby is one of my best customers,’ chewing purple bubble gum with her mouth way open. ‘Ohh pies!’
‘I am documenting all of it with photographs and quotes,’ local child Nadira told The Gorko. Nadira runs the local investigative section of The Gorko Gazette, The Nadira Nose. ‘I’m going to get to the bottom of this probably today or tomorrow.’
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