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by thegorkogazette

THE KINDERGARTENER REVOLUTIONIZING THE WAY WE THINK OF CRAYON ART

You may be surprised to learn that you don’t even have to leave Peoria to find great artists revolutionizing the way we think about crayon art, reports Peoria’s own investigative tabloid The Nadira Nose. Shelly G., a local kindergartener enrolled in nearby Lake Glower Elementary, is doing with crayons something that has never even been attempted by adult artists.

REVOLUTIONARY NEW CRAYON STYLE

The bold outline strokes juxtaposed with a strikingly rudimentary palette are characteristics of the new Shellyism crayon style.

‘Shelly has only recently stopped eating the crayons, and begun using them for what they are intended: to make pictures,’ reported Lake Glower K-6 head teacher Ruby. ‘But I look I didn’t order pizza.’

YOU CAN EAT THE PICTURES TOO

Can you spot the deformed dog? This is known by experts as Shelly’s Dog, and makes an appearance in more than 35 classic Shelly G. pieces.

‘I like eating crayons,’ the kindergarten wunderkind told The Nadira Nose, while sticking one right up her nose. ‘They taste like miowk.’

WE WERE TOLD NO WE COULD NOT INTERVIEW THE CHILD PRODIGY

The Big Person House, one of Shelly G.’s earliest surviving masterpieces.

Gorko reporters were turned away by Lake Glower secretaries while attempting to obtain a comment from the kindergarten virtuosa. ‘She is right there, only a few dozen feet away, making history! I came so close!’ screamed the thwarted correspondent as they dragged him out.

Crayon art created on Stable Diffusion 2-1

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