A three-year-old gibbon monkey named Molly who has been kept in a solitary cage at the Peoria Petting Zoo since 2020 appears to have been empregnated, as though by the monkey Holy Spirit, and had a baby yes we know what happened but are you sure you can take it are you sure you really want to know no you do NOT want to know how this happened.
UNCLE TOBY GOES TO THE PEORIA PETTING ZOO
Yes Uncle Toby has been seen both entering and exiting the Peoria Petting Zoo in his shorts and high socks no our reporters did NOT see him entering or pulling out of the monkey house where Molly is on display, he usually just goes to pet the goats.
THE OTHER GIBBON MONKEYS ARE NOT ALLOWED AT MOLLY
‘Molly is a particularly dangerous gibbon,’ explained Peoria Petting Zoo zoologist Franz Heinrichmaneuver Jr. to a group of school children, ‘and has beaten several of the other gibbons, which is why she has been kept in this solitary cage for the past 18 months, out of contact with the other monkeys.’
WELL THEN WHAT HAPPENED TELL US WE HAVE GOT TO KNOW
Franz said, ‘We are completely baffled as to how Molly got pregant. Maybe it was the man in the high socks.’