You spend a lot of time at work bragging about your frequent trips to all-inclusives in Costa Rica and Belize where you are reported to do hiking, snorkeling, SCUBA, rafting, and go on breathtaking zipline rides, but how much do you REALLY know about your favorite, go-to travel company, Capn Ahab Enterprises? Might there in fact be something to the rumors that CAE in fact promotes self-inflicted harpoon wounds? Below is evidence that might make your reconsider that next dive with Capn Ahab!
THERE IS ALWAYS BLOOD IN THE WATER
Ever wondered why the Capn Ahab guides insist that all of their patrons, even children, carry the latest Cressi SL STar Pneumatic speargun whenever they enter the water? Have you ever done a head count upon emerging from the murky, strangely black-red lagoons favored by CAE guides?
YOU IMPALED YOURSELF ON SPEARFISHING PROJECTILES IN 2017, 2018 AND 2019
Was it just blind coincidence that you yourself have suffered not 1 but 3 self-inflicted harpoon wounds while on tours with Capn Ahab? Does CAE intentionally set the trigger poundage so low that it is nearly a miracle for a tourist NOT to harpoon themself?
SHORT BAND LENGTH
Many patrons of Capn Ahab’s Underwater Fishhunt have complained of an unusually short band length, which increases the chances of the line snapping while the harpoon gun is pointed in an awkward direction.
Said professional Capn Ahab guide Jorge Bills from an undisclosed location in Belize to this Gorko reporter, ‘So you think the string snaps, eh? Turn it around so and point it into your ugly face and try, I guarantee no snaps.’
Instead of that, we got out of the water immediately.
Image generated on Stable Diffusion 2- 1