!!!BREAKING BREAKING BREAKING NEWS!!!
THIS JUST IN FROM A LOCAL SOURCE:
Dr. Don Markenbaldi, one-time Contemporary American Literature prof, three-time PET/Payfung Prize winner, and egregiously ostentatious spender at Whole Foods, spends most of his time while esconced behind his large walnut desk in his study, from which he has been known to give VIDEOTAPED CONFERENCES, completely commando back there.
COMMANDO MEANS HE DON’T WEAR NO UNDIES
Although our source was able to confirm that the intrepid Don does not wear underwear while crouched like Achilles behind his shield-like bureau, they could not say whether he also foregoes the pants, socks, and shoes most professionals associate with sitting a desk — or riding a pine. It may be the case that good ol’ Don is in fact entirely naked from the waist down. Is this his idea of a funny joke? You are a sick man, Don Markenbaldi, and should be STRIPPED so to speak of your PET/Payfung trophies, which you display so prominently in the same space.
DR. DON ALSO EATS BRUNCH GONE COMMANDO
The inculcated discretion of the man also dictates that he remain in the same state during his customary session of brunch (invariably poached eggs and potatoes with sausages, a small side of grits, white toast buttered but free of jam, black tea and carrot juice) that he inhales at precisely 10:45 every morning, no doubt jiggling his you-know-what and considerable heinie upon the upholstered leather of his Braddington Tuft executive swivel chair. Better put a towel down, Mister Three-Time PET/Payfung Winner, wouldn’t want to gum up your $175,000 seat!
WE ARE JUST SIMPLY SEEING RED. BYE BYE
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