Headlines
by thegorkogazette

BUSHES: ARE THEY FROM TEXAS?

Ever since Uncle Toby started working at the Peoria Creepers Nursery in Dunlap he has learned a ton about plants, and been coming home with a lot of really good questions, such as HOW HIGH CAN CREEPERS GO (in Peoria) and WHERE DO RASPBERRIES HIBERNATE and BUSHES: ARE THEY FROM TEXAS? We sent our auxiliary investigative reporter Nadira, a local child, to see what information she could find snooping around under windowsills at the prestigious local plant farm.

OWNERS DWAYNE AND CHERYL BASKINS’S MARRIAGE IS ON THE ROCKS

Although failing to find out whether bushes came from Texas, Nadira did find out that the esteemed third generation owners of Peoria Creepers are on the brink of separation, after only 25 years of marriage. Specifically, our small reporter discovered that Cheryl is threatening to leave Dwayne and take the dogs and title to the Baskins ancestral nursery with her.

Cheryl reportedly screamed, ‘You aren’t the man I married, you are a damn slob!’ and ‘Fiddlesticks to your flowers! I got all the flowers I want!’

UNCLE TOBY HAS EVIDENCE OF BUSHES BEING DELIVERED FROM CANADA AND PERU

According to Uncle Toby, the Baskins operation has a dark secret: they get bushes from abroad, which are smuggled in on trucks with false bottoms at night.

‘It is of course highly illegal to import such bushes,’ declared the uncle in question. ‘They are NOT from Texas. And yes I have taken bribes to look the other way. Dwayne and Cheryl basically had no choice but to give me hush money, and plenty of it, so I guess that makes me part of it.’

Uncle Toby spoke on condition of anonymity, as usual.

BUT UNCLE TOBY IS NOT PART OF IT

When The Gorko spoke by phone to Daryl Baskins, Peoria Creepers owner, he was not at all reluctant to tell the truth. ‘Oh yes, those Canadian AND Peruvian bushes have been cleared with United States Customs. We would be in big trouble if we were caught importing illegal bushes, and we have the reputation of Peoria Creepers and the Baskins family legacy to think of.’

When asked about the possibility of bushes having come originally from Texas, Dwayne just laughed. ‘Don’t know who put that idea in your head. Bushes or shrubs as we call them in the business come from all over the world. In fact just this week we put in an order for a mess of French rhododendrons.’

Image created on neural.love

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