As many fans of world-famous Gorko Chef Rambo Bolillo know, that master gourmet’s main responsibility is cooking for a Gorko staff that includes EIC Raddy, star movie reviewer Mitchell Kennedy, Mitch’s dog @Todd, and vegan life coach Lemon Reilly. While Raddy essentially survives on lo mein and cigarettes, what you may not have realized is just how finicky Mitch, Ampersat Todd, and Lemon are about their food! Here is what Rambo had to say about all three of our celebrity columnists.
MITCH ABHORS A PASTRY
‘Mitch is picky about all of his food, from the no onion on green salads, Rambs, to the medium rare but not too rare for his steaks, but the really surprising thing is how that man, who is not a light eater, absolutely hates most desserts, whining about how they stick to his teeth.’
@TODD DEMANDS TINY LAPDOG SIZED PORTIONS
‘That stupid fucking dog would not stop barking at me, and snarling and growling, until I finally figured out that he was offended by his PORTION sizes. So now I have to carefully measure everything into his puppy bowls. I blame Mitch of course, for constantly spoiling him as a young dog. If I had my way there would be no dogs at the table, period.’
LEMON LIKES THEM YOUNG
‘The main problem with Lemon, I mean aside from him not eating any meat or dairy products, and of course the extremely young call girls he is always bringing over, is his complete lack of table manners. I am telling you, I have to eat in the living room so I don’t lose my appetite with that guy chewing with his mouth open, eating with his fingers, and the belching groaning and gas passing. It is truly disgusting, and something you would have to see for yourself to believe.’
MISTER CHATBOT REPORTS FROM THE FRONT LINES
In a breakfast nook, two large individuals and a dog can be observed indulging in an abundant mound of food with an enthusiasm reminiscent of pigs. The air is filled with a mix of sounds—the clattering of utensils, the crunching of food, and the occasional snorts and barks. Their actions exude a voracious appetite as they eagerly devour the plentiful spread before them, displaying an almost insatiable hunger. The scene portrays a feast-like atmosphere with an unapologetic focus on satisfying their appetites.
Image generated somewhere…honestly can not remember where
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