THE GODDAMN NEIGHBORS ARE AT IT AGAIN, RUNNING AROUND IN JUST THEIR JOCKSTRAPS, SLAMMING INTO THE SIDE OF YOUR HOUSE, JUGGLING THEIR CHIHUAHUAS, TELLING JOKES LOUDLY AND YIPPING, AND JOSE JR. IS WORKING AWAY ON A TUBA. WHAT WOULD YOU *NOT* GIVE RIGHT NOW FOR A LITTLE PEACE AND QUIET?
REMEMBER, THE ITEMS YOU DO NOT CHOOSE YOU HAVE TO GIVE TO THE NEIGHBORS. CHOOSE ONLY 3 ITEMS, THEN TALLY YOUR SCORE AT THE BOTTOM!
- SOMEONE ELSE’S LEFT FOREARM
- SOMEONE ELSE’S FIRSTBORN SON
- THIS EXTRA LARGE PEPPERONI PIZZA
- 3 WEEKS ALL-INCLUSIVE IN CANCUN BUT YOU DIE
- COLLECTION OF LARGE VINTAGE BRAS
- TRUE RELIGION
- A FIRETRUCK JUST FOR YOU TO RIDE IN
- SPLINTER IN THE KNEE
- A TALKING MONKEY
- THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS TO SPEND IN TOYS R US
- GAS TO GET YOU TO WORK
- YOUR SIX-FIGURE JOB EXCEPT YOUR JOB IS TO THROW A BASEBALL
- A SUCKLING PIG
- AN ACROBATIC HAMSTER NAMED GELATIN WHO LIKES TO RIDE EVERYWHERE ON YOUR SHOULDERS AND SPEAKS RUSSIAN AND CAN JUGGLE KNIVES
- A MACHINE THAT COOKS YOU DINNER
- ALL OF YOUR REMAINING BACK RUBS
- A MAGIC ROCK THAT CAUSES PEOPLE TO SIMPLY LOSE THE POWER OF SPEECH WHEN YOU HIT THEM WITH IT
- JEEPS. NOT YOUR JEEPS — JUST JEEPS IN GENERAL
- NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST
- ROBESPIERRE’S ACTUAL PENIS IN A JAR
- TWO-SIDED TAPE
- YOUR AUTOBIOGRAPHY
- THE SOUL OF PANCHO VILLA
DID YOU CHOOSE YOUR 3 ITEMS? NOW YOU SHOULD ADD THE THREE NUMBERS TOGETHER, AND CHECK YOUR SCORE ON THE TABLE BELOW TO SEE HOW MUCH PEACE AND QUIET YOU WIN!
FOR EXAMPLE, IF MY 3 ITEMS ARE TRUE RELIGION, A TALKING MONKEY, AND NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST, MY SCORE WILL BE 6 + 9 + 19 = 34. I WOULD WIN TELEVISION PLAYED AT LOW VOLUME BUT YOU CAN STILL HEAR EVERY FUCKING WORD PEACE AND QUIET!
HOW MUCH PEACE AND QUIET DO YOU WIN?
6-15: CHUNDERING VULCAN BEASTS OF INTERGALACTIC HELL
16-25: SAT LOOKING AT ROBESPIERRE’S PENIS IN THE KITCHEN
26-35: TELEVISION PLAYED AT LOW VOLUME BUT YOU CAN STILL HEAR EVERY FUCKING WORD
36-45: MANFRED VON RICHTHOFEN RIGHT ON YOUR ASS
46-66: JEEVES GLIDING THROUGH A DRAWING ROOM
Image generated on Stable Diffusion.
Leave a Reply