THINGS ESCALATED QUICKLY BETWEEN LITTLE DAVID GREENER AND HAYDEN SILVERStein AT RECESS THIS PAST FRIDAY
According to local child snoop and Gorko informant Nadira of The Nadira Nose (TNN), things got a bit out of hand between little David Greener and his former friend Hayden Silverstein at the 10:35 to 11:00 am recess at North Point Elementary School on Forest Hill Blvd as the two third graders came to blows after arguing over whose new tennis shoes were faster.
‘The two little kids were quickly separated by the burly, matriarchal recess monitors, but not before a mutual challenge for their dads to fight each other had been laid down and accepted by both sides,’ wrote Nadira in the March 11th edition of TNN. ‘Whether the two fathers have been informed of the impending bare-fist, no-holds-barred faceoff is still a matter of speculation.’
READ THE COMPLETE STORY BELOW.
MY SHOES ARE FASTER THAN YOURS HAYDEN
According to eyewitnesses, little David Greener was the first to claim that his new tennis shoes were ‘way faster than’ the new shoes of Hayden Silverstein. Both boys recently celebrated birthdays on which they were presented with new shoes, Nikes for David and Reeboks for Hayden.
‘Everyone knows Nikes are faster than Reeboks, dummy,’ David Greener reportedly told Hayden, who immediately retorted that not only were his new Reeboks smoking fast, they also could jump higher and farther than any pair of ‘stupid Nikes’.
THE SPEED TRIAL, IN WHICH HAYDEN PURPORTEDLY BESTED LITTLE DAVID GREENER
The logical if belligerent next step was quickly suggested by David Greener: to put both pairs of new shoes to a speed trial. ‘Race ya to the trees and back,’ were the child’s actual words, as repeated by sandy-haired Biff Jackson, who also hails from Ms. Sherman’s North Point Elementary third grade class.
Biff declared, ‘I saw them take off, of course Dave got a head start because he left the swingset before the countdown even started.’ Small for his age but athletically gifted, however, Hayden Silverstein easily made it to the line of trees before the 2022 North Point Spelling Bee Champ David Greener, some hundred feet across the schoolyard, turned on a dime, and ended up beating the spelling champion back to the swings by a good twenty feet.
‘Reeboks are faster!’ shouted Hayden, jumping up and down.
fisticuffs and the formal dad challenge
Claims of foul play were immediate upon the ignominious defeat of little David Greener, followed by excuses about laces not being tied correctly, and finally the anger erupted into physical violence, ‘mostly shoving’ according to Biff.
‘Oh yeah, well my dad can beat up your dad!’ screamed David Greener, as Hayden got him into a headlock and applies what Biff described as ‘a noogie’, an unpleasantly vigorous scalp massage. This claim is in fact doubtful, as Hayden’s father Bill Silverstein has in fact recently taken up karate and placed in several regional tournaments.
The boys parted ways, swearing to return with their fathers, to settle the matter of Nike or Reebok once and for all.
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