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all the items i indicated i relate with on the ‘northern nebraska various states of self-identification index’

• I regularly cannot breathe.
• I live in a way that puts me at odds with society as a whole.
• I sometimes stutter, slur or experience rapid changes in the speed or tone of my voice.
• I am suspicious and fearful of individuals in various forms of head-to-toe costumes.
• I often question the motives of those around me.
• I have an ethereal soul and it sometimes exists outside of my physical self.
• My sinuses are often congested or obstructed.
• I sometimes steal carts and hand baskets from grocery stores, retail shops and corner bodegas.
• I experience random pains and discomforts in the abdominal region.
• I never do things I regret.
• I cannot process even constructive criticism.
• Swallowing too much of my own saliva in a given 24-hour period makes me experience acute bouts of liberosis.
• I have never been in a fight, brawl, parry or skirmish.
• I am what people around me describe as dramatic and unhinged.
• I behave as if I don’t care about my own personal safety or well-being.
• I believe in the sexual freedom and independence of all peoples.
• Fruits of an oblong shape conjure strong maternal impulses in me.
• Blood frightens and disturbs me.
• I have considered careers in forestry and/or forest ranging.
• I often put off until tomorrow what I ought to do today.
• I spend an unhealthy amount of disposable income placing bets on the winners of old episodes of America’s Funniest Home Videos.
• I feel like, on the whole, most people do not understand me.
• I believe I would enjoy the work of an archivist.
• I would say I’ve had strange experiences that other people have not.
• I sometimes receive strange messages via lights in the sky when no one else is looking.
• I sometimes get into trouble because of my sexual behavior.
• I am a very important person.
• I always tell the truth.
• I sometimes lie on medical forms and official questionnaires.

ABOUT THE ARTIST

William M. McIntosh is a writer of drivel and collector of rejection letters. He loves literature, film and any other kind of art he can get his grubby little fingers on. His work has been published by Maudlin House, The /tƐmz/ Review, The Yard: Crime Blog, BarBar Magazine, Night Picnic Press, The Lowestoft Chronicle, Roi Fainéant Press, and Your Impossible Voice. He doesn’t tweet, but if he did it would be @moonliteciabata. You can find links to his work at www.wmmcintosh.com. He is based in Cincinnati.

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