The babysitter’s name is Lucy. She is sixteen, works at Hardee’s, and was recommended by Karen Osmore from church. She also claims to have 3 other babysitting references from local families, but you have never seen the actual documents. She is scheduled to babysit your child, Little David Greener, this Saturday evening so that you and your wife Nancy can catch dinner and a movie, and escape from David’s incessant trolling. Things, however, will not go as planned. The following are 10 reasons you should consider leniency as far as the babysitter is concerned.
- Little David Greener threw the first pot of boiling water. The cat swerved and survived.
- The fire department was called before the fire actually started.
- The babysitter followed correct disciplinary protocol by sending Little David Greener to his room at 6:23 pm.
- The babysitter was not aware of the knotted bedsheet swinging by the kitchen window where she was doing her homework until she heard the ignition of her Chevy in the driveway.
- It is hard to catch a moving car when all you have is Little David Greener’s one-speed bike, but the babysitter did eventually catch the little shit.
- Foul language or rough handling was never directed at Little David Greener until after he drove the babysitter’s Chevy into the pond.
- By the time the babysitter managed to get Little David Greener back to his own street, the fire Little David Greener had set in the garage had completely engulfed the back of the house.
- Little David Greener was too wiry and quick to be detained — the babysitter could only watch helplessly as the child dashed into the house, screaming Moonshine! Moonshine! [Moonshine is the cat.] Why Little David Greener was worried about the cat after trying to murder it earlier in the evening is anyone’s guess.
- The babysitter did not even ask for her money, just told you to never ever contact her again.
- You had a great, relaxing, even romantic time out at the movies. Basically your evening was a success.
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