THE COLD SHOULDER
Dr. Don Markenbaldi, one-time Contemporary American Literature prof, three-time PET/Payfung Prize winner, and a filthy lowball tipper about town, I mean like he will tip less than 5 percent and that is for perfect service, was reportedly given a cold shoulder of veal at this year’s Greet Your Professor Annual Picnic at Grand View Park. Cold veal shoulder is famously disgusting.
THE MICROWAVE
Although a plagiarist and liar and scumbag in every respect, no one has ever said that the good Dr. Markenbaldi is unresourceful. Spying out of the corner of one scummy monocle a microwave that Mrs. Sheila Levia had set up inside the south side shelter (where Dr. Markenbaldi probably trolls for sexual partners on weeknights), he made a beeline for the machine, and within 2 minutes was happily eating his shoulder piping hot.
DID WE MENTION THAT DR. MARKENBALDI ALWAYS GOES COMMANDO IN HIS STUDY
An anonymous source has informed The Gorko that the much-maligned Dr. Markenbaldi is also a bit of a nudist, foregoing underwear while perched atop the $4000 chair in his study at home.
THE MYSTERY
How did Dr. Markenbaldi afford himself of the use of the microwave heating machine, when he is not even acquainted with Mrs. Levia? Why by the shrewd sweet use of his forked little tongue, that is how!
‘He just went right up to Mrs. Levia and sweet-talked her into letting him use her oven!’ Assistant Professor Tub Bottons (Philosophy) informed this organ of justice. ‘I have never seen a face turn red so fast!’
BEST LAID PLANS
Indeed, we did our best to give the phony Doctor the cold shoulder at this year’s picnic, we swear to you, good reader, yet all of our worst intentions were foiled by circumstances beyond our power to control.
After Dr. Markenbaldi left in his 2024 Mercedes, with his 24-year-old trophy wife blonde Dr. Sally, it rained on us.
Image generated on Stable Diffusion
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