Over the years Uncle Toby has said a lot of inappropriate things to strangers, often apropos of nothing, leaving many hundreds of people feeling perplexed, concerned, offended, and downright seeing red pissed. Here are some of our favorite Blurt It, Uncle Toby! lines, along with their official Gorko grade.
Bet you have never seen one of these
Uncle Toby was on the train to work, standing by the exit next to a professionally dressed woman, likely also a commuter, when he said this. He had nothing in his hand. He did not point to anything, just stood there and looked at her. Grade: BEWILDERING
Throw her back
Quipped to a movie house attendant who was ripping his ticket in 2009. Likely a private joke Uncle Toby shares only with himself. Grade: SLIGHTLY OFFENSIVE / BORDERLINE LEWD
DO YOU THINK WE DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE?
Shouted repeatedly to strangers on Peoria’s Fourth Ave sidewalk in March of 2020, when things were already strange enough. Grade: DANGEROUS / CLINICAL
COME MISTER TALLYMAN TALLY MY BANANAS
The lyrics to the iconic Harry Belafonte song ‘Banana Boat (Day-O)’ were particularly out of place at a fiftieth wedding anniversary celebration at the Schneister Four Pavilion in Peoria to which Uncle Toby had not been invited. Grade: UNACCEPTABLE
THEY LIVE
All the time, ever since he got those stupid sunglasses. Grade: ANNOYING AGAIN
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