It has been confirmed that local coffee klatch social climbers Miss Perkins, Miss Avery, and the indefatigable Miss Molly Swanson (not to be confused for her older sister Babs aka Missus Halkey) have indeed done the unthinkable, committed an act of treachery so perfidious, so shameless and without care of their own reputation or eternal well-being that it should stun the upright citizenry: after inviting you to their Thursday gathering and collecting all possible information about you, including some of your most sensitive relationship intel, they reconvened that same evening and rehashed your life story to date, over boozy drinks and cigarettes!
‘Yep, they were in their laughing their asses off in there,’ Gorko part-time sleuth and Peoria third-grader Nadira reported to Raddy, who in the event was too much man (he had recently been to a pie-eating contest you may have heard of) to fit through the Swanson fence.
The main part of the tête à tête was of course concerning your most recent beau, Mr. Jackson, who is NOT college material. Other delicacies snagged from le menu were your shoes, homemade dresses, and general fashion sense; the time you were spotted leaving Mr. Willoughby’s house by the back door while his wife was at a Saturday church luncheon, although your music lesson with Master Willoughby (seven years old, budding pianist) were always scheduled for THURSDAYS; and the infamous photograph on Lake Peoria, which the keening trio had assured you to your face was NOT uproariously hilarious.
‘They found it VERY amusing,’ Nadira assured this reporter.
The Gorko offers its deepest sympathy for the way those detestable ladies have treated you. If there is any chance we could RUN the infamous photograph, which would be entirely at YOUR discretion after we finally got a look at it, please write or visit Raddy posthaste at Gorko Headquarters, Rue Morgue 666.
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