PEORIA EYE GOUGER APPREHENDED!!!
The Peoria Eye Gouger, better known as Little David Greener, has finally been apprehended on the grounds of Prairy Skooner Skool For the Gifted, by fellow third-graders Jorge Sanches and ‘Possum’ Skats, and a third, older but unidentified boy probably from the fifth grade, possibly Thom ‘Bricktop’ Muggs.
Local child sleuth Nadira reports that the Eye Gouger has been taken behind the utility shed and is sitting there now under surveillance, awaiting trial.
‘To say that he is FACING trial might be too bad a pun,’ that reporter admitted to The Gorko, ‘so we’ll just say he is awaiting trial. In any case, it is a highly irregular judicial procedure, quite exciting for this small Peoria neighborhood.’
Sentencing for eye gougers (Little David Greener ‘accidentally’ poked Sissy Rumfeldt’s eye with a stick during yesterday’s 10:15 am Skooner Skool recess, which resulted in some redness and soreness) is normally some sort of non-lethal corporal punishment: spanking, lashing with improvised switches, or ‘running The Wedgie Gauntlet’.
‘My God if they make him run The Gauntlet, I don’t know if I can watch,’ shuddered one diminutive onlooker, who asked to remain anonymous.
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