You spent six hours putting cans on the wrong shelf, then your boss’s wife Shirley made an unkind remark about your high socks, and to make matters worse, your lunch got all soggy (too much mayonnaise in the tunafish) and then fell out of the bag onto the floor. Everyone laughed and pointed, especially Toby. This is a terrible, no-good day! How can you take your anger and frustration out on an innocent person so that their day is also effectively ruined? Below you’ll find 3 classic ways.
JOSTLE THEM RUDELY
No one likes to get jostled or bumped by a stranger. Get out there and swing your elbows and hips, move too fast, butt in front of people, flail at their shins with your legs. If you have an umbrella, snap it open and closed repeatedly in strangers’ faces while you jostle past them on the subway steps.
TWO WORDS: BODY ODOR
Put that deodorant back in the medicine cupboard, buster. Pull out yesterday’s jocks or bra. Do not floss, do not even brush. Roll in the compost pile. Rub feces on your chest and ankles. Belch and fart all the way to town. Get real, real close to Shirley. Touch her car with your filth, baptize her Audi with your cloying stink.
HUM A TUNE
There is literally nothing more irritating than a happy person. Put your blues behind you, think of birthdays and green juice bars, and hum a little tune! Do not stop. Hum it over and over and over again. Sing a few of the words, but not all of them. Get right in Shirley’s window, stick your head in there, and hum.
Hmm hmm hmmm hmmm, hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hm, hm hm hm hm, hm hm hm hm, hm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmm hm hm!!!!!!!!!!!
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