With the 2024 NFL season almost upon us, many long-time fans are wondering what changes are coming their way with the NFL Competition Committee’s new slate of rule changes. Below is The Gorko’s summary of the most important new rules, now known as laws, for the 2024 season.
SCORING CHANGES
A match shall consist of the best of three games, unless otherwise arranged. A game shall be won by the side which first scores 21 points. If as in the case of the Washington Commanders or New York Jets neither team scores 21 points after regulation time has expired, the teams shall be disbanded after being pilloried in the town square for no less than seventy-two hours.
SERVICE
In a correct service, the flight of the shuttle shall be upwards from the server’s racket to pass over the net so that, if not intercepted, it shall land in the receiver’s service court (i.e. on or within the boundary lines), and in attempting to serve, the server shall not miss the shuttle.
The replacement of the traditional pigskin with shuttles (also known as birdies) shall also require the introduction of racquets. Apparently NFL fields will also be equipped with badminton-style nets on the 50 yard line.
THE USE OF LASER POINTER SHALL NOT BE PERMITTED.
FAULTS
It shall be a fault if, in service, the shuttle is caught on the net and remains suspended on its top, or is caught and held on the racket and then slung during the execution of a stroke. In such a case, the offending player may be brought to the ground, or tackled, and his salary given to a local orphans fund.
SUSPENSION OF ACTIVITY
When necessitated by circumstances not within the control of the players, the umpire may suspend play for such a period as the umpire may consider necessary.
Referees shall now be called umpires, as in baseball, and they will have the authority to suspend any truly pathetic, boring-ass game and assign victory to the better team. If neither team is better, both teams may be summarily disbanded and players paraded through the city streets without pads, and their salaries given to a local charity of the umpire’s choice.
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