The Gorko Gazette

As many fans of chef Rambo Bolillo’s world-famous cooking show know so well, he does NOT like the neighbors. Here are some of the delicious veggie side dishes that Rambo recommends cooking over live coals after you are done roasting the exquisitely dismembered former pains in the ass neighbors who used to set up their nasty wading pool right next to the shared fence, whistle while they weeded their stupid flowers, and make your life an all-around hell.

NO HE IS NOT KIDDING

While Rambo the star saucier is no cannibal, and has professed on his blog Rambo Bang Bang (also a private pay-per-view site with the ever-popular Rambo Cooks Nude segments, $8.99 an episode only this October) to have more than 30 years’ of canned meats and ammo stashed in rental units around the country, ‘rendering the need to consume human flesh for sustenance YOUR problem, suckers,’ the Gorko’s own maestro-du-sauce has an entire cookbook devoted to butchering, cutting, bleeding, and prepping the neighbors for an upcoming ‘Block Roast’.

WHO ME?

No, no, no, YOU are destined to be lightly, jokingly battered, then returned to the pond. The neighbors in question, on the other hand, are Sharon and Jeff H——–, and they are destined to share a chest freezer in Rambo’s basement. At least, according to the cookbook we found last week they are! Too bad, because we personally are fine with Sharon and Jeff, but who is perfect? Also it is our house, hey wait a minute, technically they are not even Rambo’s neighbors.

DO I HAVE TO SCROLL FOREVER OR ARE YOU GOING TO GET THE DELICIOUS SIDE DISHES

In Rambo’s small but informative booklet, Gorko sleuth reporters also uncovered the following succulent yet vegetarian side dishes, which look like they would pair amazingly with, say, a huge roast chicken. A very, very, very large roast chicken.

Broccoli

Broccoli, to pair with the neighbors and hopefully a nice riesling.

Potatoes

Potatoes, to pair with a pair of neighbors, and hopefully some soju.

Leeks and such

Leeks and such. That is what he wrote.

Well we kind of have to conclude that in fact THE NEIGHBORS are what the coals are for, but go ahead and toss on some veg, man. Pour yourself a fruity wine. And thanks for bringing coals to Newcastle, sucker!

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