The Gorko Gazette

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thegorkogazette

10.2.2024 10:39 AM

10 Things to Do in October by Ben Macnair

10 things to do in october

Now the days are getting shorter, the TV is getting better, and the best part of the year is behind us, and all we have is the unremitting grind of work, and long nights to look forward to, here is our fun-packed list of things to try in October.

1) Try a new recipe. Those Squirrels have been hanging in the pantry for long enough. Time to cook Squirrel and Spinach pie.

2) Try a new hobby. If you don’t like the taste of Squirrel, some amateur Taxidermy might just be the thing for you.

3) Try making friends with your ghost. They are probably as scared of you as you are of them. All that stamping in the loft, throwing plates around in the kitchen, and the ectoplasm they leave in the lounge isn’t great, but you have also been a teenager. Try to be a bit more understanding of them all.

4) Finish planning for the novel you will write during NANOWRIMO. Tell everyone you know about it.

5) Watch every episode of Cheers.

6) Watch every episode of the news. Even from the times before Television. You might view the world in a different light.

7) Buy a Pumpkin. Carve the exact face of a neighbour into it. Leave it outside the neighbour’s house. Never tell anyone what you did.

8) Buy some Fireworks, and set them off in January in a park. Never tell anyone what you did. They will love you for it.

9) It is getting a bit nippy. Taking up knitting, and with a few bits of wool, and knitting needles you can knit yourself and everyone you know a comedy jumper for Christmas.

10) Take a long hard look at yourself. This is not what you or anyone you know wants for your life, is it?

Life Still Isn’t a Choose Your Own Adventure Book

A man who found out to his cost that life still isn’t a choose-your-own-adventure story is telling people on his blog.

Bumbling buffoon Gene Daffney took out a dice and rolled it, leaving his fate to chance.

Instead of going to work for a week, he went to the Zoo, and then to the cinema. Instead of cooking a nice meal for his wife, he went out to a strip club with the dodgy bloke from work. Instead of picking up the kids from school, he drank a bottle of brandy and spent the night at the police station.

A lesson learned the hard way, Gene Daffney reflects on his misadventures with a tinge of regret.

‘Don’t get me wrong,’ Gene pined, ‘It was a lot of fun, but now I have no job, my wife and children don’t talk to me, and I have a police record, and I will be up in court. It could have been worse though. One of the options was to go to the nearest concert playing that night. It was Chris De Burgh, so swings and roundabouts, matey lad.’