Local gourmand and all-around great neighbor Jeff may in fact be Peoria’s biggest fraud, according to a report from Nadira’s Nose cub reporter Nadira H.
Nadira writes, ‘Jeff and Susan had our family over last week to watch the season finale of Crumpets, the British soap opera, and to celebrate the occasion declared in a very important tone of voice that he had prepared a charcuterie board to go along with the cream sodas and pretzels.’
To Nadira’s amusement and dismay, however, what Jeff pronounced ‘charcuterie board’ was nothing but a bunch of little piles of shit from Jeff’s refrigerator.
‘There was a pile of cold cuts, a pile of cheese, a pile of olives, a pile of carrots, a scoop of coleslaw, crackers, what appeared to be a dish of nuts, and three different dipping sauces,’ the local child sleuth reports. ‘It makes you wonder, is this really the art of charcuterie in the heart of Peoria, or did the American foodie go wrong somewhere between Paris and the Mississippi?’
We look forward to a full report on Jeff’s Super Bowl spread, coming up in February.
Image generated on Magic Studio
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