The Gorko Gazette

Daily Humor

thegorkogazette

12.23.2024 6:59 AM

Cafe Launches Brussels Sprout Coffee and more holiday news by Benjamin Macnair

Cafe Launches Brussels Sprout Coffee

Chutney on the Fritz’s Hipster hang out, the etch a sketch Cafe, Sketchers has launched new Brussels sprout and parsnip flavoured coffee for the festive season.

The cafe’s newest owner (it has gone through five in three years) Shane Worthington said ‘Most festive drinks have cinnamon or marshmallows, but we thought outside of the box and went for the vegetable option. I mean they taste foul, coffee and sprouts, obviously, but it is only for Christmas. Come January, when we are selling all of the stale Mince pies, we will go back

Cafe assistant Sandra said ‘Shane told us it was a great idea, but like his moustache, it didn’t live up to expectations.’

Man buys 10 copies of book, and sorts Christmas out for 2024

Distinctly strange bloke Timothy Claypole has bought 10 copies of the same book and now has Christmas 2024 sorted.

You might think that the book is one of life-affirming importance, where Timothy has fallen in love with the characters, the storyline, and the arc of redemption for the main character, and wants to share it with his nearest and dearest. You might think that. You would be wrong.

No, it is a book about the serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer. Timothy takes up the story ‘I was in the shop, the one that sells books incredibly cheaply, but doesn’t say it is a charity shop, yes, that one, and they had stacks of this book about Jeffrey Dahmer, and all of my friends and family are always saying, buy me something I wouldn’t buy myself, and I think that this book ticks those boxes. I can’t wait to hear their reaction, and it only set make back £30.00, now I can spend the rest of my Christmas budget on booze. It is what they would have wanted.’

Even the Ghost of Christmas yet to come is feeling depressed

Shane Worthington, better known to the world as the feared Ghost of Christmas yet-to-come in Charles Dicken’s epic story of redemption is feeling depressed.

Speaking to us, without the stilts, pointy fingers, and black capes that he usually wears, the surprisingly high voiced ghost told us:

‘My job is never the cheeriest of ones to do, and this year it is looking even bleaker. I mean, I have some people to visit this year, but the likelihood of being able to turn people like Donald Trump, Suellen Braverman, or Elon Musk is looking less likely with each passing day.’

Shane was told to cheer up by the Ghost of Christmas Past, who was looking at Christmas 1977 and remembering all of the good times then.

It was either Pantomime or Father Christmas complains talentless actor

Gary Orpingthwaite from down the road has been complaining, as he has done for 25 years, since he went to RADA, and pretended to be a Teaspoon for eight hours a day that the only work he seems to be offered at Christmas is Pantomime or Father Christmas.

‘No one ever asks me to be Bob Crachitt’ said Gary, who pretends to be Scrooge for the rest of the year.

‘What’s David Tennant got, that I haven’t?’ bewailed Gary. Well, the answer is, a very good agent, contacts, talent, range, good looks, and people skills for a start. Now, maybe if you had had a backup plan when you were 21, you could have saved everyone a lot of bother, couldn’t you, Gary?