Someone or something is playing mind games with the people of Peoria, and The Gorko has vowed to get to the bottom of it! Every fourth Thursday of January for the past five years, a mysterious plate of shucked sweetcorn has made its appearance on the corner of Lutz and Fifth in downtown Peoria. No one knows who leaves the shucked corn, or the motive behind the symbolic act. In an attempt to discover the identity of the Peoria Corn Shucker, as the corny vigilante has become known, this year more than 100 Peoria citizens joined an overnight Shuck-In, pitching tents and setting up space heaters on the Peoria sidewalks, watching for the moment when the plate of corn would materialize. Last night The Gorko interviewed more than fifty Corn Wakers to try to get to the bottom of this pot of kernels!
THE PLATE APPEARS BETWEEN 2 AND 4 AM
Becky N. from South Peoria: ‘This is the third year we have done the Shuck-In, it is a lot of fun, you know everyone from the Discus Club comes out, and we take shifts watching, because every year the Plate appears at a slightly different location, but we have never caught the person who done it. We think it is probably Uncle Toby, because he always goes home at midnight. We think he probably sneaks back in disguise and plants the plate of shuck. But we don’t really have any evidence, just that he is sneaky. I mean creepy.’
YET OTHERS DISAGREE ABOUT THE IDENTITY OF THE PEORIA SHUCKER
‘There is no way the Shucker is Uncle Toby,’ demurred another Peoria resident, a diminutive person (she is a child) wearing pony tails and a Power Puff Girls tee. ‘I have seen how sloppy he is with an ear of corn, he always leaves big strands hanging off the bottom, there is just no way.’
Gorko culinary expert Rambo Bolillo was on the scene of last year’s shucking and can confirm that the Peoria Shucker knows their way around a cob. ‘Whoever this person is, they are top gear shuckers. They do not mess around, these are perfectly shucked cobs of corn. I think what we are dealing with here is a pro, probably someone who came out of Pompkein [Peoria Pompkein Culinary Institute]. Heck we may even be looking at the work of an actual professor of prep.’
Pompkein Dean of Culinary Arts Geoffrey Schleinicker declined to comment for this article, although we rang his doorbell for over an hour.
PLEASE SEND ANY INFO TO THE GORKO SHUCKER TIP HOTLINE
Ninety per cent of violent offenders are caught because of the conscientious observations of everyday citizens, and The Gorko believes you can help, too. Do not hesitate to call in with any information about the possible identity of the Peoria Shucker to The Gorko Shucker Tip Hotline: 1-800-SHUCK-ME. There is currently a standing reward of $500 for any info that leads to the identification of the local mystery cobber.
Image generated on Magic Studio
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