Guards at the Peoria Supermax Prison, the new special housing unit for Illinois’s most dangerous, most disruptive criminals, reportedly were engaged in a maximum stakes poker game earlier this week.
‘We do not refer to the Tuesday poker nights as maximum stakes events,’ said Officer Dudley Stainwright, one of the Supermax’s senior officials, ‘but the stakes were pretty high this week.’
While betting at the towering Supermax normally begins with a $1 buy-in, the guards apparently decided to up the ante a bit this week, perhaps to inject a bit of excitement in what has turned out to be a boring, lousy job.
‘You know you would think that guarding some of the country’s most dangerous, most difficult inmates at a Supermax prison would be challenging,’ said another officer, reportedly the winner of a $500 pot, quoted on conditions of anonymity (his first name is Darryl), ‘but in fact we got things locked down so tight in here that there are in fact very few problems. So we have to spice things up from time to time. The buy-in this week was fifty smackeroos.’
No, civilians are not allowed to join in on poker nights, but The Gorko will continue to send reports from the ADX control unit.
Cover image generated on Magic Studio
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